I couldn't have made this story up if I tried

     I am about to tell a story I already know some people won't believe.  It's okay, if I wasn't there myself, I probably wouldn't have believed it either.  It was one of the most unexpected, serendipitous things that have ever happened to me in my life thus far, and I will never EVER forget it.

     It all happened so quickly.  I was walking to the hospital for a meeting, and in my path, about 50 feet from the hospital entrance, a man shouted for help.  He was supporting his wife, who was standing, obviously pregnant, and grabbing onto a nearby trashcan for support.  

I ran over, and asked, "What's going on?"

The man replied, "I can feel a head!" 

     At this point I'm thinking to myself "Oh $@*&..."  My first thought was that we had to get this lady to Labor and Delivery.  Bystanders are starting to walk up now, asking if I need help, and each time I say, "YES! Go inside and have the front desk CALL L&D! Tell them to get down here NOW!"  I must have sent about 4 different people in to do this.

So I asked her "Do you think you can sit down on this bench?"

"NO!"

"Okay, how many weeks are you, Ma'am?"

"THIRTY EIGHT!!!!!!" 

     So far, all of this has happened in a span of about 30 seconds.  I proceed to put my bag down and roll up the sleeves of my white sweatshirt.  Next, I crouch down near her legs (she is still standing) to see what is going on.  And as soon as I'm in the crouching position - PHOOMP!  The baby is out.  It just falls out!

     The dad and I both reached out and caught that slippery little sucker together.  He lets go, and here I am: holding this little baby with my bare ass hands, bodily fluids every where.  Baby was a bit blue, and wasn't really breathing yet, so I rubbed its belly to imitate the "vigorous stimulation" that I always see the L&D nurses do.  It started crying, and the next thing I thought was "WHY ISN'T ANYONE HERE YET?!"  More people were passing by, asking if we needed help, and I asked them if they had anything to wrap the baby in to keep it warm.  These wonderful passersby didn't hesitate a single second, ripped off their coats, and handed them over for us to swaddle the baby in.  

     Finally, some volunteers came out with a wheelchair.  This poor lady still had her placenta in, cord attached to baby, so we wheeled her in, getting her to the right people and setting to get the care she needed.

     I was only 15 minutes late to my meeting, but for the rest of the day, I couldn't stop worrying about this woman and her baby.  Had I done everything right?  What if mom or baby had a bad outcome?  What could I have done better?  I suppose I didn't really actually do anything except help her get to where she was trying to go.  

     The next day, I went to her room, just to check if everyone turned out OK.  

"I'm not sure if you remember me, but..."

"OH WE REMEMBER YOU.  Thank you so much for your help.  Would you like to hold the baby?"

     Everyone was fine.  They were laughing about the story they have to tell.  And I got to hold that sweet little baby.

* Patient details have been changed or omitted to protect patient privacy

Moments Of Gratitude

   I had already planned to write this post, and then I just happened to see Your Doctor's Wife's most recent post.  What a coincidence!  It must be a gratitude-type-of-day!  

   Since I've snapped out of my mental funk I was in a couple months ago, I've gotten back to being mindful and conscientiously appreciative for all of the things in my life.  It's so much easier to be happy when you just take a second and think about all the things you have to be grateful for, especially the simple ones.  I decided to even take it one step further and start a "journal of gratitude", in order to have a chance to really cement some of the things I'm thankful for - and I'll take any chance I can to get crafty/artsy!

   One thing I was reflecting on the other day, that made me smile while thinking of it, was a moment I experienced while on OB/Gyn.  I'm actually surprised I didn't mention it in one of my posts.  I was on a night shift, and I was heading down to the ED with two of the senior residents to see a consult.  I got along really well with both of them, and they really took me under their wing that night.  Anyway, we were walking down one of the various extremely long hallways of the hospital, just chit-chatting, and the chief resident grabs my arm and the other resident's arm.  Next thing you know, all three of us are skipping down the hallway, with our arms linked, giggling at how ridiculous we were being.  It was awesome.  It was just one of those simple, silly moments that just makes you feel warm and fuzzy. 

   Puppy training is going pretty well for the most part.  We have our good moments and our bad ones. Overall, its hard to stay mad at Melvie for too long because he is so damn cute.  Somehow, I seem to love him more and more everyday.  I was feeling all giddy tonight because he fell asleep on me as I was on my laptop on the couch.  It doesn't seem like a big deal, but I was really happy because that is exactly why I wanted to get a dog.  For moments like those.  (And then to make things even cuter, he was pawing my keyboard as I was typing this.  I think he knew I was blogging about him.)

   And on that note, I somehow managed to spill red wine all over my white macbook as I was writing this, lol.  Cheers, and goodnight!

Love That Lasts a Lifetime

   This past week, I spent a day accompanying a hospice nurse on her home visits to terminally ill patients.  They were all in pretty good spirits that day, and I really enjoyed chatting with the spunky elderly ones.  It was amazing how the elderly couples took such great care of each other.  It was so touching to see the spouses of the patients providing support and love to them, as their life begins to wind down, knowing that they've had a long journey together to get to this point.  I really hope that when I'm old and on my way out, I'm lucky enough to have someone (who loves me) taking care of me, and a loving family to visit me.  

  

   The other day, BF and I spontaneously decided to go out to the pub where we had our first date. We hadn't been back since our first date, which was about a year ago. As we were walking up to the door, I asked BF, "When we came here for our first date a year ago, did you know we'd be lovers forever?" And he said, "No, but I do now."

   That place always has surprises in store for us, because when we walked in this time, two of our good friends had randomly decided to go there that night too, and had just arrived. In addition, the pub was celebrating some sort of anniversary and was giving away prizes. Out of all the people there that night, BOTH BF and I won tshirts!

   The owner came over to chat with us, congratulating us on our luck, and I told him, "This place is lucky to us.  We had our first date here about a year ago."  And some lady at the table next to us goes, "AWWWWWW!!!" Hahahahaha.

Continuing our silly game of drawing each other pictures when we study

   Also, I added some cute decorations to the kitchen.  And in case you are wondering what the letters stand for on the chalkboard hearts on a string, it's B-A-M-Z-S, for our names and our pet's names.  Feel free to barf now, I give you permission.

Is It Normal To Feel High During A NSVD?

   First week of L&D is complete, and I absolutely love it.  The team is pretty nice, but I'm still waiting for a few of them to warm up to me - all in good time.  I absolutely love the patients.  I just being the "go-to girl" for all their "intimate issues".
   Yesterday, I was observing another NSVD (normal spontaneous vaginal delivery), and AGAIN had to keep myself under control to stop myself from crying tears of joy.  I just can't help it!  Everyone in the room is just so different after a birth.  The awaiting family is standing by with their cameras at the ready and ginormous grins on their faces.  The new mom can't take her eyes off her precious new baby, whispering, "I love you so much already" into baby's ear. All the physicians and nurses (even the ones who are usually cold and intense in all other situations), are giddy with excitement and congratulating the new mom on her wonderful job well done.  And last but not least, my very favorite part of all: the new dad is wiping tears of joy from his eyes, kissing mom on the forehead, with a look on his face that screams this is the happiest moment of his life.  This might not sound normal, but I swear, the feeling I get while all of this is going on feels like I'm high on happy drugs.  How could I not love doing this every day?!
   I know, every birth is different.  Each family experiences the important event differently.  And every once in a while, the event is somber or tense.  But if I could just participate in a birth as miraculous as yesterday every once in a while, it would make it all worth it.  I think - I hope - I've found my calling.

Insert HUGE Sigh Of Relief Here

   Had my first day of L&D today.  Was a CRAAAAAAZY day.  And I loved every minute of it!  Again, teared up with joy while watching a vag delivery.  I am breathing a HUGE sigh of relief because I'm feeling those butterflies I haven't felt in so long, and I'm reminded why I went into medicine.  I LOVE OB/GYN!

    More later.  Have to sleep now.

"A Million Dollar Message Given A Nickel At A Time"

   The title of this post is one of many wonderful things I took from the AA meeting I attended tonight.  For our psych rotation, one of our assignments is to sit in on an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.  I chose one near my house (I live in the hood) because I figured it would have some really down-to-earth people.  I was a little apprehensive at first, because I didn't want to "intrude".  I didn't want to get there and feel super awkward as an outsider.  My experience was nothing like that.

   Wow. Just wow.  I have never experienced anything like that in my life.  In the beginning of the meeting when they asked if there were any visitors, I mustered up the courage to say my name, and that I was a medical student there to "learn a little bit about the process of recovery," to which they seemed supportive and applauded.  I figured they would just go one with their usual business, telling their stories one-by-one.  I was surprised that several of the members acknowledged me in their stories.  Their reactions were all positive.  One poked fun of my facial reaction to one of the previous stories, others looked at me and convinced me how lucky they were to be where they were today, one thought it was "neat" that I was there to learn about the process of recovery, given that the theme of the night was "what does recovery mean to you."  Overall, they were such a wonderful, warm, welcoming group of people.  The support they had for each other was unbelievable.  I'm sure its not always this way, but tonight in particular, every single story told was just so positive and uplifting!  One man told me, "When you leave here, I want you to remember the smiles and laughter you've heard tonight.  If it wasn't for AA, we wouldn't be laughing."  These people are an absolute inspiration.

   Some of the stories especially hit close to home.  A couple of members brought their kids with them to the meeting, and so some of the members touched on that topic when they spoke.  One man talked about how proud his kids are to come to meetings with him, because when he is working the program, he is also being a good dad.  I almost lost it.  My dad is an alcoholic, and has been sober for over 30 years.  He quit way before I was born, so I never saw him in his drinking days, but I am so proud of him for his sobriety. He has always been the best dad I can ever ask for, and I can thank AA for that.  How wonderful is it that these people are also doing what they can to be the best parents they can be, and breaking the cycle.

   What a wonderful experience.  I don't think I'll ever forget it.

While my classmates were watching a video of a birth in class, I was watching one live in the L&D

Between all the mandatory classes we have had this block and me getting sick, I finally found some time to go shadow in L&D (labor & delivery).  If I had to sum up my day in one word it would be WOW.

Have you ever had the feeling that you were being pulled in a certain direction?  Today I just couldn't help but notice all of the signs drawing me into pursuing OB/Gyn.  I know it's sort of "superstitious" of me, but when I notice things, I listen to my gut!

Sign #1: What could have been a totally awkward, embarrassing situation (me thinking an attending was a resident and asking her what year she was) actually turned out to be a funny one, because the attending just laughed and took it as a compliment! I felt so comfortable in L&D, mostly because all of the attendings, residents, nurses, etc were SO NICE!  The attending I was working with for the day is a wonderful teacher who is very patient, and she shares a lot of the same philosophies I do on giving compassionate patient care and teamwork with colleagues.

Sign #2: There were a bunch of pics up in the resident lounge of kids/pets etc, and there was a picture of a cat that looked JUST like Zoey! HA!

Sign #3: I saw my very first live vaginal delivery and the baby girl weighed the exact amount I did when I was born down to the ounce! (I won't say the number to leave out identifying info just in case)

Anyway, WOW what a day! Watching the birth was incredible. I wanted to cry just seeing how happy the family was.  What would it be like to see that every day at work?  What an amazing job to have!  Also as a side note, I did not pass out today, thank you very much (lol).  I even got my first glimpse in the OR at a procedure that I had never heard of (its rare).  I had no idea what I was looking at on the ultrasound monitor, but it was cool nonetheless just getting a feel for the OR!

Overall, I had a great day, and even though I spent 8 hours there, time flew by.  I can't wait to go back soon!

My first REAL patient

I spent my morning volunteering at one of the student run clinics, and I finally felt ready to take on my own patient all by myself.  Now, a lot of my classmates have been doing this for over 6 months, but I, on the other hand, have been petrified of screwing up/making a fool of myself and I felt like I should get a little more knowledge under my belt first, so I had been putting it off.  If any of my classmates are reading this, they probably think I am a pathetic excuse for a med student, but hey - I wanted to wait until I was comfortable, and I'm glad I did.

Anyway, I just felt ready today for some reason.  So the undergrad co-director handed me the chart, and when I saw "seizures" as the primary complaint, I definitely panicked for a minute! Haha!  But I just went in and did my thing.  It's funny because I wasn't nervous AT ALL!  I felt really at ease with my patient, and I think she felt really comfortable with me too.  It might have helped that she was young (I can to be intimidated by older adults sometimes).  My interview with her went great, and after all was said and done, when we decided that she needed to come in again next weekend, she asked eagerly, "Are you going to be my doctor next week too?" I was so touched that she liked me enough to request having me again!  Even after I stuck her for a blood draw and didn't do it right...

I wasn't planning on going to clinic next weekend (I have a ton of studying to do), but for a moment I actually considered coming in just for her.  (Too bad I am selfish and am going to study instead :/)... But anyway, I had a realization of what makes a lot of doctors work so hard and put in so much time.  Its the patients!  They really need us!

It finally hit me - today was the first time I felt like a REAL doctor in training.

I Need To Buy Rainboots

This morning on our ten minute walk to school, my roommate and I encountered a TSUNAMI of hail and rain.  It was so loud that we couldn't even hear each other from 3 feet away while we were yelling!  We both had umbrellas, but we still ended up getting absolutely SOAKED.  Of course, as soon as we got to class it stopped raining and the sun came out...  I have been meaning to get some comfy rainboots for a while, and I think this was a hint that I really need to.  My poor little tennis shoes didn't stand a chance... so now I have been sitting in class all day with them off, trying to let my socks dry.

The other day in The Healer's Art, we talked about "moments of awe", which we as physicians have the privilege to experience quite often.  However, anyone can experience these moments of awe, where we just can't explain what is going on, or they just leave us with a feeling of wonderment/admiration.  Or at least that is my definition of what awe is; everyone has their own.  I think its just something that you just know in that moment that something special is happening.  

Anyway, when my roommate and I were being pelted by the hail it, it wasn't fun getting soaked and having wet shoes for the rest of my 6 hour day at school, but I have to admit it was pretty cool hearing the loud roar of the hail and just seeing the sheer amount of water and ice being dumped from the sky at once.  It was pretty impressive, and not something that you experience very often; a "moment of awe" if you will.  It was one of those moments where you can do absolutely nothing about it (like getting soaked), so you might as well laugh about it and enjoy it for what it is.

PS- a cool tip of advice from a 4th year facilitating our small group case today:  "When considering specialties, don't fixate on things you are going to lose, but concentrate on what you want to hold on to.... because no matter what specialty you go into, you are going to lose a lot"