Does Anyone Know A Cat Whisperer? Or Maybe A Cat Exorcist?

   I usually like to minimize my cat-related posts to try and hide the fact that I'm actually a crazy cat lady, but Baby Z is getting out of hand, and I'm comin' to the edge.  I need help! She used to be my family's cat, but I agreed to adopt her when my family got sick of how mean she is and wanted to get rid of her. Anyway, she has been doing this thing for the past couple of years, and my patience is wearing thin. Starting at some ungodly hour in the morning, she loudly meows and cries for hours until I get up. I've tried EVERYTHING I can think of to stop it, and sometimes she'll stop for a day or so, but always goes back to it sooner or later. I've tried feeding her to shut her up, spraying her with water to punish her, petting her/trying to get her to lay with me, ignoring it, etc. None of these things work, and she always just continues to cry until I'm up and about. I thought this issue might stop once I started to wake up earlier for clerkships, but nope! Now she just starts up even earlier! Then, once I'm up and awake, her "work is done" so she takes a nap. It is infuriating.

   Does anyone have any experience with this, and/or any suggestions on what to do? I am this close to making her an "outside cat", but I'm worried about doing that because she's almost 11, obese and probably wouldn't last two days without getting hit by a car. Seriously, it feels like I have a crying baby, and I'm not even a parent yet - it's too early for me to have to deal with this!  I'm desperate - please give me any suggestions you may have!

Breaded

Life is so tough being a cat

Folded in half, for maximum cat-compactibility