Sh*t Just Got Real, Y'all

     Now that I've had some time to let all of the crazy events in my life these days simmer a bit, I'm starting to feel more relaxed about some things, and more stressed by others.  I'm feeling more relaxed about buying a house and moving across the country now that everything is all lined up and ready to go.  I'm feeling completely relaxed about finishing medical school and graduating.  I've been getting my research project all set up to run in my absence, and have recruited another medical student to help.  My bridesmaid duties are officially over now that their wedding is finished.  Side note - it was the most beautiful wedding I've ever seen...  I even finished the yearbooks up a few weeks ago, and they are supposed to be delivered to me today (can't wait to see how they turned out!).


     But now that those stressors are dying out, it's time for me to start dealing with the next wave of madness.  I'm beginning to feel scared about starting intern year.  I even had a nightmare about it last night.  I dreamed that I forgot where and when I was supposed to show up the first day, and that I was running 30 min late, had no idea where I was going, and it was terrible.  I guess it's pretty natural to be having anxiety about starting a new job and new challenges.

     Also, while I am absolutely thrilled about being engaged, and very excited to get married to B, the realities of the situation have set in.  How the hell do people logistically get married during residency?!  Having time off at the same time as one another is one hurdle, and having more than one week off at a time is another hurdle, which means that we'll have to wait until at least our PGY2 year.  The other hurdle is, how the hell are we supposed to save up for something so expensive on a resident salary?!  My parents have graciously offered some money for the wedding, and while we are ecstatic about that, we are realistically going to need to save a substantial amount of money on top of that.  The other huge challenge is who the going to plan this wedding.  I mean, I love planning this stuff, but I'm going to have minuscule time off during intern year.  Not to mention, how am I supposed to plan a wedding on the West Coast when I'm living on the East Coast? AAGGGGHH *$%#@$!!!

     Anyone have any tips for planning for and saving for a wedding during residency?

Match

     I know this post is very late, and I didnt mean to leave y'all hanging, but a LOT has happened in the past month. Match day finally came, and as promised, it brought surprise, excitement, and tears.  

   My friends and I rode the shuttle to school so that we could have some cocktails before and after to ease the nerves without anyone having to be designated driver, which in retrospect, was an excellent idea.  I can't even describe the amount of tension and palpable anxiety we had in the room.  Everyone was so on edge.  And then the moment came.  We picked up our envelopes, and when the clock struck 9:00 AM, it was time.

   BF and I barely even started opening our envelopes when we heard commotion and screams all over the room.  But we weren't paying much attention to that.  Going into the match, I wasn't that nervous about not matching together, but about 20 minutes before we got our envelopes, the fear hit me all at once.  What if we ended up on opposite coasts?!  We finally got our envelopes open, looked at them, and breathed a sigh of relief that we ended up together in the same city.  Then we breathed another sigh of relief that we both ended up at programs we really liked.  But HOLY CRAP WE'RE MOVING ACROSS THE COUNTRY!  Then every single person in that crowded room proceeded to bombard us with questions.  It was absolutely overwhelming.

   It's only after the fact that I truly appreciate how absurd the entire tradition of match day is.  We put our lives on hold for months, having no idea where we will end up for the next chapter of our lives, so we're not able to plan ANYTHING (which is completely terrifying for a typical type-A med student).  Then in the span of 30 seconds, our entire life changes right before our eyes, and we don't have a single second to process what just happened before we have to celebrate with everyone.  

   The reality really didn't sink in until a few days later.  But once we had a few moments to really let it sink in, we became very excited. We're going to a whole new city that neither of us has ever lived in before, so it's gonna be an adventure.  And we're really excited to explore and try something new.  I've lived in California my whole life, and now I'm moving to the East Coast.  I'm gonna have to buy some real winter clothes!  Haha.  Most importantly, we ended up at hospitals in the same city (a few blocks from each other even).  And we are both at programs we loved.  So here's to new adventures! Yippeeeeeeee!!!!!

Radio Silence

  It's always during the most busy, action-packed times that I don't find time to blog.  I haven't blogged for over a month, and let me tell you, this last month has been the biggest whirlwind I've ever experienced.  So many life-changing things have happened in the past month (don't worry - all good things), and I haven't blogged about a single one of them.  Unfortunately, the whirlwind continues... and I won't really have time to sit down and give the next few posts the proper time they deserve until next week.  But, for now I will update anyone who cares that: Yes! BF and I matched together! :D YAY! And we're really excited about where we matched.  And things are amazing right now... just extremely busy!

   Look out for some posts next week.  I'm gonna cover a LOT, because a lot has happened.  Hold on to your panties, y'all!

Match Monday

     It's official y'all - I have a job!!! Today MS4s across the country found out whether or not they matched.  I matched!!! And so did BF! Now we just have to wait till Friday to find out if we matched together, and to see where we're gonna end up.  Luckily only 2 out of about 96 people in our class had to SOAP (formerly known as the "scramble"), which is less than previous years, so people generally did OK.  Whoever those two people are, and for all those who had to SOAP, I wish them luck, and I hope it all works out.

 

One week

    It so close I can taste it.  Everything I've been working for has lead me to this point. One week left! It also helps that this week is super busy. Tomorrow is Mirth Control, the annual school roast event that I've been working on for months. I'll be sure to post some of the videos on YouTube afterwards.

      I'm really glad I'm ending the year on Family Planning.  Though I actually do have to do some work, it has been so fun actually doing things I care about, learning a lot, and hanging out with people I love and respect.  

     I actually started getting all sentimental today.  After tomorrow, no more Mirths.  In one week, I'm gonna know exactly where I'm going, and I'm gonna have to deal with it, for better or worse.  No more mystery or intrigue.  On the flip side, I can at least move forward after that.  Start planning my next step.  So here's to all the other MS4s out there.  Enjoy these last moments of medical school.  And my the match be ever in your favor! 

I couldn't have made this story up if I tried

     I am about to tell a story I already know some people won't believe.  It's okay, if I wasn't there myself, I probably wouldn't have believed it either.  It was one of the most unexpected, serendipitous things that have ever happened to me in my life thus far, and I will never EVER forget it.

     It all happened so quickly.  I was walking to the hospital for a meeting, and in my path, about 50 feet from the hospital entrance, a man shouted for help.  He was supporting his wife, who was standing, obviously pregnant, and grabbing onto a nearby trashcan for support.  

I ran over, and asked, "What's going on?"

The man replied, "I can feel a head!" 

     At this point I'm thinking to myself "Oh $@*&..."  My first thought was that we had to get this lady to Labor and Delivery.  Bystanders are starting to walk up now, asking if I need help, and each time I say, "YES! Go inside and have the front desk CALL L&D! Tell them to get down here NOW!"  I must have sent about 4 different people in to do this.

So I asked her "Do you think you can sit down on this bench?"

"NO!"

"Okay, how many weeks are you, Ma'am?"

"THIRTY EIGHT!!!!!!" 

     So far, all of this has happened in a span of about 30 seconds.  I proceed to put my bag down and roll up the sleeves of my white sweatshirt.  Next, I crouch down near her legs (she is still standing) to see what is going on.  And as soon as I'm in the crouching position - PHOOMP!  The baby is out.  It just falls out!

     The dad and I both reached out and caught that slippery little sucker together.  He lets go, and here I am: holding this little baby with my bare ass hands, bodily fluids every where.  Baby was a bit blue, and wasn't really breathing yet, so I rubbed its belly to imitate the "vigorous stimulation" that I always see the L&D nurses do.  It started crying, and the next thing I thought was "WHY ISN'T ANYONE HERE YET?!"  More people were passing by, asking if we needed help, and I asked them if they had anything to wrap the baby in to keep it warm.  These wonderful passersby didn't hesitate a single second, ripped off their coats, and handed them over for us to swaddle the baby in.  

     Finally, some volunteers came out with a wheelchair.  This poor lady still had her placenta in, cord attached to baby, so we wheeled her in, getting her to the right people and setting to get the care she needed.

     I was only 15 minutes late to my meeting, but for the rest of the day, I couldn't stop worrying about this woman and her baby.  Had I done everything right?  What if mom or baby had a bad outcome?  What could I have done better?  I suppose I didn't really actually do anything except help her get to where she was trying to go.  

     The next day, I went to her room, just to check if everyone turned out OK.  

"I'm not sure if you remember me, but..."

"OH WE REMEMBER YOU.  Thank you so much for your help.  Would you like to hold the baby?"

     Everyone was fine.  They were laughing about the story they have to tell.  And I got to hold that sweet little baby.

* Patient details have been changed or omitted to protect patient privacy

Scratch That

     In my last post I talked about how I was going to be stepping back from my research for a bit after some set-backs occurred.  Well, I was wrong.  My research mentor actually wants to move to the next step of re-submitting for IRB approval with modifications like right now.  So, I thought I was only going to have to worry about planning Mirth for the next two weeks (which is plenty to handle itself), butttttt I was wrong.

     Man, at least I can say I really ended 4th year with a bang!  I have been SO BUSY!

The Tower

     Last month, when I was playing with my zombie tarot cards for some insight into February, I got a card that didn't make much sense to me at the time - the tower.  The tower represents "a sudden change, questioning conventions, destruction".  Naturally, a card like this would worry any normal control-freak.  But there's no point in worrying over things that haven't happened yet, especially things we don't even know about yet.

     A few days ago it came crashing down on me.  Though my research project had been going slower than I originally anticipated, it had at least been moving forward.  I had collected my first month of data.  I sat down to enter all of the data and perform some rudimentary preliminary analysis on it (to have something to turn in for my fourth year med school research project).  What I found was worrying.

     My research project involves a survey, and unfortunately, over half of the respondents weren't answering the most important question appropriately.  Based on their responses, they most likely didn't understand what I was asking for.  At this point, I was disappointed, but I kept moving on.

     I met with my research mentor to go over the preliminary findings (for the purposes of my medical school project due), and as soon as we got to the part about over half of the respondents not answering that question appropriately, he threw me off that tower.  "Oh, you're gonna have to stop your study then," he said bluntly.  "Basically, we're gonna have to go back to the drawing board, rewrite that question and start over."  He was very reassuring that this stuff just happens in research, and that we'll get the study done in due time, but it will likely have to be my residency research project.

     While I completely understand the reasoning behind it, I was still a little surprised.  I wasn't quite expecting something this drastic in response to the lack of appropriate responses.  And what was even more of a surprise, was how this all made me feel.  I would have expected to feel angry or frustrated, especially considering the amount of time and effort I have put into this over the past YEAR, however, I felt relieved.  I definitely want to finish, and someday publish, this study, but now there is no way to finish the project before I graduate, so it essentially has to be put on hold while I figure out how to reword that part of the survey - and where I'm going to be next year.  So that means I actually get a bit of a break from it while all this other crazy Match and graduation stuff is going on.  *phew*

     Oh yeah, and 22 days till Match...

In the grand scheme of things, 30 days is the blink of an eye

   Yep, shit is getting real now, y'all.  30 days until Match Day - the day that our fate is decided.

What I've been doing to keep my mind off of it:

• Co-hosted a bridal shower
• Performed "My Angry Vagina" in the Vagina Monologues
• Spending 9 - 5 in a dissection anatomy didactic
• Working on the class yearbook
• Planning and filming stuff for Mirth Control
• Scrambling to work on and finish my research project that is due next Friday (to get credit for 4th year).  Unfortunately, I only have preliminary data to turn in for the school project deadline, but I plan to submit a more complete project later for actual publication. 
• Zumba, running, Hip-hop, and dieting
• Crafting when time permits (not often lately)

   I'm getting more excited, and trying not to be worried, because there is absolutely nothing I can do at this point to change the outcome of the match.  I just wanna get it over with, rip the bandaid off, and find out where we're going to spend the next 5-7 years of our lives!  

Stuck In A Weird Spot

   Every now and then, I find myself stuck in a weird spot. Now is one of those times. On one hand, I feel anxious for time to pass, and to get these next few months over with. It's excruciating worrying about where we're gonna match, and it's completely out of our control at this point. I also have so many things I need to get done in the next month or two that are nagging at me constantly. I can't wait for these things to be accomplished so I can stop fretting about them. 

   On the other hand, I also want time to slow down, so that I can stay in this moment forever. The end of fourth year is so bittersweet, knowing this is gonna be the last time you spend with a lot of your classmates. And lately I've been so spoiled with fun, easy rotations that residency is gonna hurt for the first few months. I've had time to relax, exercise, re-exploring my love for dance, read books that make me happy but not smarter, and craft to my heart's content.  

   I'm confused about what I want. Regardless, time is gonna keep on passing by, and my perception of that is gonna be what it's gonna be. 

50 Days

   Get your tiny violin out, folks, because my lovely 10 weeks of vacation is almost over.  It has been absolutely amazing.  And surprisingly, I actually haven't gotten bored because I've been keeping busy with all of my various projects.

"What has been occupying her time?" you might wonder:

• Bridal shower planning: This was a few days ago, and it turned out lovely, but I'm glad it's over so I don't have to think about it anymore.  And speaking of being a good bridesmaid, I've been trying to lose weight to fit into my bridesmaid dress. 
• Research: Still slow-going.  The hardest part is waiting.
• Class yearbook: We chose a fantastic company, and everything is underway and going well so far.  I'm really excited about this!
• MIRTH Control: This is probably stressing me out the most.  Time to come up with videos/skits is dwindling, getting people to commit to participate is like pulling teeth, and I have so many other things I'm working on too.
• Vagina Monologues: This is the first time I've ever really acted.  I need to practice more, because the other people performing are really good.  Gotta step my game up.
• Planning our New Zealand vacation: Luckily this isn't until April, so there's still time, but I don't wanna procrastinate too much.
• MATCH Rank Order List: DONE, thank goodness.  Certified and everything.  We've got about 23 ranks together, and the rest of our 144-long list are us matching in different cities.  The good news is that there is absolutely nothing else we need to do before match day.  The bad news is that it makes me soooo anxious thinking about us not matching together.  

   Well, it seems like even more to me after I listed it all out. It's been fun!  Next week I start a rotation where we observe and perform surgical procedures on human cadavers.  Should be pretty interesting, but I'm not looking forward to actually having to be somewhere every day.  I know, I know... This is why I told you to get out your tiny violin earlier.

Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot And Never Brought To Mind

   Another year has come and gone.  It seems like each year of my life keeps going by faster and faster.  2013 was the year I turned 25 - a quarter century of life - and I can't believe how far I've come so far.  This last year was a year of self-realization, hard work, tangible progress, and self-rediscovery.  But most of all, 2013, especially towards the end, was a year of recharge, which was much needed after my 2012.

The year BF and I raised our puppy, Melvin

The year of many puppy dates with our friends

The year J visited me several times :)

The year we went camping in Oregon - for the 3rd time

The year of "google hang-outs" with old UCLA dorm friends

The year I attended a special MSFC conference

The year I visited H in Atlanta

The year I visited E in LA

The year I saw all my Gphi girls in LA

The year I re-discovered my creative side

The year I hosted an MSFC potluck at my house

The year BF and I rocked our sub-i's :P

The year I took and passed Step 2 CK and Step 2 CS

The year I traveled all over for interviews... including the Bay Area

... and Chicago

... And Philly

... and Boston

The year I worked my butt off creating an original research project, while simultaneously also working on someone else's project

The year I visited my sister in SF

   What a great year 2013 was! I can't wait to see what's in store for 2014.  

Soooo that just happened...

   Today I officially submitted my residency application.  I applied to a grand total of 32 programs which are on the West Coast, East Coast, and a few random ones in between.  I am couples-matching with BF, who is going into general surgery, so we wanted to apply broadly, just to be safe.  

It was obscenely expensive

   Somehow, all of my stuff got uploaded and is ready to go.  I think one of the most helpful things my oh-so-amazing advisor told me, was to have my application completely ready to go by Sept 1st, even though it isn't due until Sept 15th.  Because of this, I had plenty of time to have it looked over (by her, of course), and as the days counted down to September 15th, I was ready, so was more excited than stressed.  I checked back later today (yep, let the neuroticism begin) and three programs have already accessed my information!  Hopefully, fingers crossed, BF and I will be offered interviews in the next couple of weeks.  I'm both excited/giddy and anxious/worried.  I'm really looking forward to traveling and exploring.  I'm worried about people liking me (wow, that's a first for me... not).  

   So now I just wait. Check my phone and email obsessively, and wait.  And take out my anxiety in the form of arts & crafts, which by the way is going amazingly.  If you read my post a couple of weeks ago, I was aching for the right side of my brain to wake up.  I have been quite successful, and I've really been enjoying relaxing and making art.  I'll post some of my amateur work later!

Residency Rush

   How is it almost September?! Time is just flying by.  So far, 4th year rocks!  It was super intense in the beginning, but things have calmed down now, and my residency application is really starting to come together.  I have my personal statement done, my letters of recommendation uploaded into ERAS, and I've taken Step 2 CK and Step 2 CS.  Really, I just need to enter things from my CV into ERAS, and I'm finished!  I'm applying to a grand total of 32 programs. Normally, you don't have to apply to this many programs for OB/Gyn, but I'm couples-matching* which complicates things, and I just like to be extra cautious.  BF is applying for General Surgery, and we're applying all over the East Coast, all over the West Coast, and some random places in between.

   My amazing OB/Gyn advisor** has put together a series of workshops on applying to OB/Gyn residency for us MS4s, and today we talked about interviewing.  From what it sounds like, it is exactly like rushing for a sorority.  You go and interview, and they sit down with your picture, say what they thought about you, and rank you in order of how badly they want you to match there.  It is a "mutual selection process," where the programs rank the candidates, and the candidates rank the programs.  Then some crazy computer algorithm takes these rank lists and computes where you are supposed to match. And come that special day in March, you open up an envelope, and the piece of paper inside tells you exactly where you'll be spending the next 3-5 years of your life.  (This is the equivalent of a sorority bid).
There's no negotiating, no waitlists, no choosing between different acceptances.  The decision-making is done for you, and fate nudges you in the right direction.


* For you non-medical folk: couples-matching is basically where you apply to residency programs as a package deal with your significant other, that way you HAVE to end up in the same geographical region

** Who, by the way, I totally wanna be her when I grow up. She is amazing.

   Speaking of sorority rush, I recently went to a super fun wine and cheese event for the local Gamma Phi alumnae chapter.  It was a lot of fun, and I hope I have time to go to more events this year.

 Alpha Iota Alumnae!

Rosemary

   There are always patients on a service that the team will deem "crazy."  And this can have many meanings.  Sometimes it means that the patient is difficult to deal with.  Sometimes it means that the patient is a little odd.  And sometimes, it just means the person has a diagnosable mental illness.  For some reason, I tend to gravitate towards these "crazy" patients, and I find myself wanting to interact with them.

   When Rosemary*, an eccentric and talkative woman, was admitted to the Gyn Onc service, she was immediately given this title of "crazy."  When we would come in to round as a team, she would always say off-the-wall comments, all the while with a smirk on her face showing she just wanted to get a laugh out of us.  She even commented once that the cardiologist was no fun, as she had "tried to make him laugh and he didn't even crack a smile."

   She was very sick with interesting medical problems, so I took her on as one the patients I was following.  Every morning as I'd come in to pre-round on her, and we would chat for quite a while.  In fact, I learned to allot like 10-15 extra minutes to spend with her, since she was so chatty.  But I enjoyed it very much, as most of the time she was quite entertaining.  And she often had very insightful wisdom or advice.

   Since she was in the hospital so long with such a complicated course, she began to keep a written log of who she would meet and of the events that happened each day.  Early on in her stay she had me write down my name and title ("medical student", nothing exciting there).  A couple days later, she had one of the fellows write down her name.  So after she had written her name down, the fellow handed me the paper to show me something. It was the same paper I had written my name on a few days prior, and next to my name, Rosemary had penciled in "NICE GAL".

* As always, name and identifying information changed to protect privacy

Happy Medical Monday!

   Hey there! Happy Medical Monday!  If you haven't had a chance yet, make sure you head on over to Your Doctor's Wife for the monthly blog-hop!

   It still hasn't hit me yet.  I finished my Gyn Oncology Sub-I on Friday, and I still can't help but feeling like there is something I'm supposed to be doing.  Overall, it was an insanely busy month, but an awesome month nonetheless.  I actually ended up working way harder and for more hours than I did on SICU! My favorite part: the patients.  I had the privilege of helping take care of some of the most interesting, inspirational women I've met.  Hopefully I'll get a chance to blog in more detail about some of my favorite experiences now that I'm starting a super relaxed month-long elective, Emergency Medicine Ultrasound.  My requirements for this month are to work a total of 16 hours per week... which is what I was working in one day on Gyn Onc.  

   It hasn't quite hit me yet, but I'm officially done with all of my "hard" stuff for this year.  I finished my two hard Sub-I's, SICU and Gyn Onc.  I finished Step 2CK, Step 2CS.  I have asked all my letter of rec writers, and they've said yes.  I'm still working on my personal statement, but I already have a solid draft and a more clear direction about where I'm heading with it now.  So I'm basically just tying up all the loose ends on my residency application (and actually entering it in ERAS).  

   But the one major thing looming over my head that I've had to put on hold for a few months while things have been crazy, is my research project I'm working on for my senior project.  I'm way behind. :(

Also, I recently read an article saying that someone at UCSF was doing the exact same study, so that kinds sucks.  But at least I can have more information heading into my project, I suppose.  

   Well, it's nice to human again after putting everything in my life on hold for a few months.  And I mean everything.  I'm back, y'all!!! :)

Puppy was mad that we left him alone so long...

Back In OB/Gyn Land...

... And loving it!  I'm halfway through my Gyn Onc Sub-I (aka AI/Acting Internship), and I am so glad to be back with my people.  I realized it's been almost a year since I've done any OB/Gyn rotation, so I'm a little rusty on some stuff, but it's all coming back to me.  I never rotated through Gyn Onc as a third year, so a lot of the oncology material is new to me, but that's why I'm really glad I chose this particular Sub-I, because I'm learning a ton.

   I was a little surprised because this Sub-I is actually turning out to be harder than SICU was.  On SICU, the hours were long, but I really didn't have any meaningful responsibility.  And the team really didn't trust medical students, including 4th years, to do anything important.  On Gyn Onc, however, I am the intern's right-hand-woman.  And I absolutely LOVE it!  The team actually trusts me to do important things - I have much more responsibility, but it actually is really nice.  It's nice to actually feel like an integral part of the team, and nice to know that the work you're doing is actually meaningful and making a difference.  So, even though I'm working long hours and taking on a lot more responsibilities, I am really enjoying it.  I feel like these last two weeks have been a preview into intern year, and it's gonna be tough, but I'll get through it, especially if I'm close with the people I'll be working with.  And, just as I expected, I love the people I'm working with.  I'd absolutely love to stay here for residency.

   That said, it makes things a bit more stressful because I'm really trying to impress people.  I don't really think I've been at the top of my game at all times, only because I've been nervous.  Because I actually care what these people think of me, it makes me shy and more introverted than I normally would be.  But my goal for the remaining two weeks of the rotation is to be more confident on rounds and speak up a little more in general.

   As far as the subspecialty of Gyn Oncology, I loooove the patients.  A lot of them are these sweet, sweet old ladies that you just want to give a hug.  And some of them are characters, sassy in their older years, and you know I love characters.  And then there are the grumpy ones, but I even get a kick out of them too.  I mean, they have a right to be grumpy.  They've been through a lot of shit.

   So here goes.  I hope I rock the remaining two weeks of my most important Sub-I.  And two weeks from now, I'm gonna be on ED Ultrasound.  That rotation is super laid back, and you work very minimal hours with a very flexible schedule.  It's going to be AMAZING.  Though, I'll probably have to use that free time for many of the important things I've been putting off, like finishing my personal statement, getting caught up in my research project (I'm really far behind :/), residency applications, sorting out my letters of rec... Ugh it gives me heart burn to think about all of it.  I just haven't had time to work on that stuff. Literally.

And On To The Next One...

   I can't believe I made it through a month of SICU relatively unscathed.  It was actually enjoyable.  Yep, that's right.  I said it.  Enjoyable.  I think my second go at trauma surgery was far more bearable for several reasons.  One, I was working with a lot of really nice people.  I got lucky on this one.  Two, for some reason, everyone seems to treat you differently as a fourth year medical student.  It seems like they have more respect for you.  I don't know why, I mean, I'm the same person I was a few months ago.  Third, I got to see a lot of really interesting, sick patients and scrub in on some pretty amazing surgeries.  And I got to learn more about operating in general which will apply to OBGyn later, like learning the names of instruments, etc.  Lastly, and probably most importantly, I have a much thicker skin now as a fourth year medical student.  I am so much less sensitive to critical comments and take things a lot less personal than I used to.  Originally, I almost didn't pick SICU as a rotation, because I was scared and I knew it was gonna be tough.  I'm really glad I pushed myself though, because it was nice to prove to myself that I could do it.  And the hours were rough, but I made it.

   Now I am on a two week "vacation".  Well, really this first week I am taking Step 2 CS in LA, so that's not vacation.  But other than that, we'll be visiting friends in LA and going on our annual beach camping trip in Oregon, which I'm really looking forward to.  I'm really looking forward to getting Step 2 CS over with.  And unfortunately, it still needs a lot of work, but I actually have my first draft of my personal statement.  It's actually been a lot harder to write than I was expecting.  For some reason, I'm just really having trouble articulating my thoughts, and I am having trouble structuring it, which I need to do in order to base my entire writing process on.  So needless to say, I've been pretty busy lately.  But at least I've been productive.

   I've been pretty annoyed at myself ever since I got my Step 2 CK score back.  I didn't score nearly as high as I was expecting, and I don't know why.  It's not like I didn't feel comfortable going into it.  And I scored about 20 points higher on my practice test than on the actual one, so that was pretty disappointing.  Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it now.  But I'm having trouble letting go.

   The good news is that after my next rotation (Gyn Onc), I don't have all that much to worry about besides residency applications and interviews.  By then, I'll have taken all of my boards exams, finished my personal statement, asked for letters of recommendation, and will have finished all of my most important rotations.  Man, is it really already July?!

*  *  *

BF (as I'm typing this post prior to publishing it), "Oh, are you blogging?"

Me: "Yep!"

BF: "What are you blogging about? Your personal statement?"

Me: "YES... but also about other stuff."

BF: "Like Step 2?"

Me: "YES ... what else?"

BF:  "Finishing your first Acting Internship"

Me:  "Wtf, how do you know?! Do you even read my blog?"

BF: "No, but I read your mind..."

I'm Alive!

   I'm almost done with 3 out of 4 weeks of my SICU sub-I, and I'm alive!  I have been working 24 hour shifts every three days (which actually end up being more like 30 hour shifts with rounds and stuff), and 12 hour shifts on the days in between.  This all works out to be about 85 hours per week - and I'm exhausted!   I'm really enjoying it though, much more than I ever anticipated.  I've witnessed some pretty crazy stuff, but unfortunately, I have no energy to blog about it.  Maybe later.

 

Baby Z perfectly demonstrating how I feel these days

I Must Be A Masochist

   TGS2CKIO. (Thank goodness Step 2 CK is over).  The actual test was a bit harder than I anticipated, but if I score anywhere near my practice test score, I'll be happy.  Unlike Step 1, however, the 9 hours seemed to fly by.  At least it's over! And I am so glad BF and I got it out of the way, especially while all the material from third year was "fresh" in our minds.  Fingers crossed while I wait for my score!

   Since the test, our week off has been a whirlwind.  I jet-setted off to Atlanta for a special Medical Students For Choice conference, which was inspiration and re-charging as always.  I got to meet some  really incredible med students, some of which even have blogs too!  Check them out if you're interested in reading other medical-related blogs!

• Dr Coffee's Brain Banter
• Spelled Like Latte-Man

My last minute packing list, with an extra addition

   And while I was in ATL, I got to visit my sorority friend H, who works at the aquarium and gets to ride dolphins! Amazing.  She even took me to the aquarium and I got to see the spectacular dolphin show she performs in!

ATL

   When I got back from Atlanta, BF and I went wine-tasting in Napa with our moms, which was super fun.

   And Melvie learned how to swim!

  This week break went by way too fast, and we already start up again tomorrow.  My first acting internship (aka "AI" - a fourth year elective where you work your butt off) is the Surgical ICU.  I know, I know.  It's quite ironic that I chose to subject myself to this particularly brutal AI, especially considering what a tough time I had on my surgery rotation.  But my main goal is to learn how to take care of really sick patients, and I'm even hoping to get a letter of recommendation out of it, if all goes well.  I also think I'm in a much better place to handle it, now that I've built up a much thicker skin than when I started out third year.  The schedule is gonna be the roughest I've had to far - Q3, which means you work a 24-30 hour shift, then a 12 hours shift, then repeat.  Over and over and over.  For a month.  So, I'm pretty scared, but I'm hoping it will all be worth it in the end.