Doctor

     May 29th, 2014.  The day I have inadvertently been waiting for since before I can even remember.  It still feels surreal.  I have worked SO hard to get where I am now.  I have sacrificed so much: mentally, emotionally, personally.  I had to introduce myself as Dr. D for the first time the other day, and it felt so wrong.  As long as I've been waiting for this moment, and it can't possibly be here yet, right?!  

     Graduation week was a blur.  Got to spend a lot of time with family and friends, which was lovely.  Said goodbye to a lot of amazing friends that I've made over the past four years, which was bittersweet.    

My mentor and IDOL!

Yes, they played a Beyonce video at my graduation (I was here). It was fantastic.

Gyno Girl friends 

B and I

So long, Volvo

     In preparation for our move across the country, a few weeks ago I sold my Volvo.  It would have cost more to ship it than the car was even worth, and I'm honestly not sure if it would have survived the trip if I drove it.  So we just drove B's car across the country, and for now I'm carless.  Luckily, it's easy enough to get around Philly without a car.  When I started orientation a few days ago (yes, there are many posts I am behind on) I wasn't sure whether I'd prefer to walk, bike, subway, bus or drive to work.  Driving is pretty much out because I don't have a car yet, and it's $200/month to park.  Subway is sorta out since it doesn't operate early enough for me some days.  Biking is doable, but somewhat dangerous on the city streets.  Walking is a great option, but takes 40 min each way and I get all sweaty.  Soooo... I tried taking the bus, and I think I found a winner!  Not only does it pretty much go straight from my house to the hospital, it takes half the time of walking. 

     Also, B got a tattoo to commemorate achieving our milestone in our journey in medicine.  I think it's pretty cool.  

I think he enjoyed it a little too much

My friend A came with us and got one too!

Sh*t Just Got Real, Y'all

     Now that I've had some time to let all of the crazy events in my life these days simmer a bit, I'm starting to feel more relaxed about some things, and more stressed by others.  I'm feeling more relaxed about buying a house and moving across the country now that everything is all lined up and ready to go.  I'm feeling completely relaxed about finishing medical school and graduating.  I've been getting my research project all set up to run in my absence, and have recruited another medical student to help.  My bridesmaid duties are officially over now that their wedding is finished.  Side note - it was the most beautiful wedding I've ever seen...  I even finished the yearbooks up a few weeks ago, and they are supposed to be delivered to me today (can't wait to see how they turned out!).


     But now that those stressors are dying out, it's time for me to start dealing with the next wave of madness.  I'm beginning to feel scared about starting intern year.  I even had a nightmare about it last night.  I dreamed that I forgot where and when I was supposed to show up the first day, and that I was running 30 min late, had no idea where I was going, and it was terrible.  I guess it's pretty natural to be having anxiety about starting a new job and new challenges.

     Also, while I am absolutely thrilled about being engaged, and very excited to get married to B, the realities of the situation have set in.  How the hell do people logistically get married during residency?!  Having time off at the same time as one another is one hurdle, and having more than one week off at a time is another hurdle, which means that we'll have to wait until at least our PGY2 year.  The other hurdle is, how the hell are we supposed to save up for something so expensive on a resident salary?!  My parents have graciously offered some money for the wedding, and while we are ecstatic about that, we are realistically going to need to save a substantial amount of money on top of that.  The other huge challenge is who the going to plan this wedding.  I mean, I love planning this stuff, but I'm going to have minuscule time off during intern year.  Not to mention, how am I supposed to plan a wedding on the West Coast when I'm living on the East Coast? AAGGGGHH *$%#@$!!!

     Anyone have any tips for planning for and saving for a wedding during residency?

I couldn't have made this story up if I tried

     I am about to tell a story I already know some people won't believe.  It's okay, if I wasn't there myself, I probably wouldn't have believed it either.  It was one of the most unexpected, serendipitous things that have ever happened to me in my life thus far, and I will never EVER forget it.

     It all happened so quickly.  I was walking to the hospital for a meeting, and in my path, about 50 feet from the hospital entrance, a man shouted for help.  He was supporting his wife, who was standing, obviously pregnant, and grabbing onto a nearby trashcan for support.  

I ran over, and asked, "What's going on?"

The man replied, "I can feel a head!" 

     At this point I'm thinking to myself "Oh $@*&..."  My first thought was that we had to get this lady to Labor and Delivery.  Bystanders are starting to walk up now, asking if I need help, and each time I say, "YES! Go inside and have the front desk CALL L&D! Tell them to get down here NOW!"  I must have sent about 4 different people in to do this.

So I asked her "Do you think you can sit down on this bench?"

"NO!"

"Okay, how many weeks are you, Ma'am?"

"THIRTY EIGHT!!!!!!" 

     So far, all of this has happened in a span of about 30 seconds.  I proceed to put my bag down and roll up the sleeves of my white sweatshirt.  Next, I crouch down near her legs (she is still standing) to see what is going on.  And as soon as I'm in the crouching position - PHOOMP!  The baby is out.  It just falls out!

     The dad and I both reached out and caught that slippery little sucker together.  He lets go, and here I am: holding this little baby with my bare ass hands, bodily fluids every where.  Baby was a bit blue, and wasn't really breathing yet, so I rubbed its belly to imitate the "vigorous stimulation" that I always see the L&D nurses do.  It started crying, and the next thing I thought was "WHY ISN'T ANYONE HERE YET?!"  More people were passing by, asking if we needed help, and I asked them if they had anything to wrap the baby in to keep it warm.  These wonderful passersby didn't hesitate a single second, ripped off their coats, and handed them over for us to swaddle the baby in.  

     Finally, some volunteers came out with a wheelchair.  This poor lady still had her placenta in, cord attached to baby, so we wheeled her in, getting her to the right people and setting to get the care she needed.

     I was only 15 minutes late to my meeting, but for the rest of the day, I couldn't stop worrying about this woman and her baby.  Had I done everything right?  What if mom or baby had a bad outcome?  What could I have done better?  I suppose I didn't really actually do anything except help her get to where she was trying to go.  

     The next day, I went to her room, just to check if everyone turned out OK.  

"I'm not sure if you remember me, but..."

"OH WE REMEMBER YOU.  Thank you so much for your help.  Would you like to hold the baby?"

     Everyone was fine.  They were laughing about the story they have to tell.  And I got to hold that sweet little baby.

* Patient details have been changed or omitted to protect patient privacy

A Dilemma 35,000 Feet High

   I just got off a connecting flight to my next interview, and unlike all of my other flights so far, this flight was quite eventful.  About 20 minutes into the 2-hour flight, a flight attendant called out over the loudspeaker for any "doctors or other health professionals".  My adrenaline immediately started pumping.

   I'm thinking, "Should I say something?  I mean, I'm only a 4th year medical student.  I know some stuff, but I don't know as much as an experienced, licensed physician.  Although, I suppose I know a lot more than a flight attendant or lay-person.  Are there any other physicians on the plane? There are three other 4th year medical students on the plane too (one classmate, and two others that I met just prior to the flight), so all together, we equal a real doctor, right?  Even if one of us does volunteer to help, would they want our help even though we don't officially have our M.D. and don't have licenses yet?  In addition, I think that some Good Samaritan Laws protect those that provide assistance, but I think that some don't cover "non-medical professionals".  Could we potentially be sued since we are just MS4s?"


   But before I could even decide whether or not to go up, an obese, greasy guy in sweats sitting near me immediately hit his call button, heading up to the front of the plane.  I think to myself, "Oh, I suppose he is a doctor!  Well, I'll watch from here and see if he needs help."

   A few minutes later, my classmate (who is going into Orthopedic Surgery) walks up, saying that the flight attendant informed him that the guy volunteering was a respiratory therapist.  He went up to the front of the plane to provide assistance, and together, him and the RT assessed the patient*, put her on oxygen, and they decided she was stable enough to make it the entire flight.

   I'm glad everything worked out okay, but I felt so guilty afterward.  I mean, I wasn't trying to avoid helping, I just figured they didn't need me.  I thought that guy who volunteered first was a doctor since he was so gung-ho about it.  I suppose I should have just asked him if he needed help, just in case.  Oh well, woulda coulda shoulda.  I know there are a lot of people out there who like to show off that they have the tiniest bit of medical training, and though well-intentioned, I think these people can be more harmful than helpful at times.  I guess I'm trying to avoid being one of these people, though I'm almost a doctor... so I really do sorta know what I'm doing, right?

   Anyone else ever been in a situation like this?  What would you have done?

* She ended up being an elderly woman with CHF who was having severe anxiety

Rosemary

   There are always patients on a service that the team will deem "crazy."  And this can have many meanings.  Sometimes it means that the patient is difficult to deal with.  Sometimes it means that the patient is a little odd.  And sometimes, it just means the person has a diagnosable mental illness.  For some reason, I tend to gravitate towards these "crazy" patients, and I find myself wanting to interact with them.

   When Rosemary*, an eccentric and talkative woman, was admitted to the Gyn Onc service, she was immediately given this title of "crazy."  When we would come in to round as a team, she would always say off-the-wall comments, all the while with a smirk on her face showing she just wanted to get a laugh out of us.  She even commented once that the cardiologist was no fun, as she had "tried to make him laugh and he didn't even crack a smile."

   She was very sick with interesting medical problems, so I took her on as one the patients I was following.  Every morning as I'd come in to pre-round on her, and we would chat for quite a while.  In fact, I learned to allot like 10-15 extra minutes to spend with her, since she was so chatty.  But I enjoyed it very much, as most of the time she was quite entertaining.  And she often had very insightful wisdom or advice.

   Since she was in the hospital so long with such a complicated course, she began to keep a written log of who she would meet and of the events that happened each day.  Early on in her stay she had me write down my name and title ("medical student", nothing exciting there).  A couple days later, she had one of the fellows write down her name.  So after she had written her name down, the fellow handed me the paper to show me something. It was the same paper I had written my name on a few days prior, and next to my name, Rosemary had penciled in "NICE GAL".

* As always, name and identifying information changed to protect privacy

In Medicine, We Sacrifice A Lot

 These last couple of years, we've heard over and over, when you go into medicine, you sacrifice so much.  I knew I'd have to sacrifice things, miss out on fun activities, delay important life milestones, and neglect relationships.  But man, we really do give up a lot.  It's hard to grasp it until you find yourself with no time, no patience, and no sympathy for others, even your loved ones.  My grandma just got discharged from the hospital for a UTI, but she is still delirious, and we're starting to worry if she's gonna get back to her mental baseline.  This issue is bringing up a lot of family drama, about who is gonna take care of her, what will we do for her, what can we do for her, and all I can think about is how I just can't.  I just can't deal with these things.  I don't have time, I don't have energy, I don't have the patience, the sympathy, the strength.  I just can't.

  I'm just gonna have to be selfish on this one, and stay out of it, let everyone else figure it out, and keep my head above water.  I can't afford to get involved, to be supportive, or to lend my time and energy, because sadly, I'm barely scraping by with what little I've got.  I'm just gonna do what I've gotten really good at this year, and remain numb.  Numb and selfish.  God I hope this version of me doesn't last forever.

   I guess the best way I can be helpful, but still keep my own head above water, is to support my parents while they help figure out this whole family crisis mess.  I can do that.

My friend L recently posted about third year in med school, and how it changes us.  And I really enjoyed it, because she perfectly explained exactly how I feel.

How Will You Spend Your Last Birthday?

   There was a patient in the ICU, who was brain dead, with no chance of meaningful recovery.  I didn't know her that well, but just listened when we rounded on her as a team.  The residents were getting annoyed because the family was dragging their feet on withdrawing care.  Not that they were obligated to withdraw care, but they had decided they were going to withdraw care, but kept prolonging the date they were gonna do it.

   Our attending remarked, "You know, as young physicians, I understand it is very hard not to be judgmental of patients and their families. But please, you must try to understand what they are going through.  This woman is somebody's wife, somebody's sister, somebody's daughter.  And this is the last moment in her life.  Just think about that.  Think about what it'd be like to be in their shoes.  The husband hasn't been sleeping for weeks.  He's a wreck, and he is understandably having a hard time dealing with this, so let's give him a little compassion."

  And as the attending gave his speech, the nurse walked in and began hanging pieces of paper around the room.  As I looked closer, I realized she was hanging signs with a picture of a birthday cake saying "Happy Birthday".  I almost lost it.  Here this woman was, laying in a coma, surrounded by doctors and med students she never met, with tubes and wires coming out of every inch of her body, while her family was at home agonizing about letting her go, on what will be her very last birthday.

Nights In The Hospital Are Reminiscent Of The Twilight Zone

   Last night I was on call, and while I was in the cafeteria gettin a snack during "power hour" (when it opens briefly from 11pm-midnight), the super flamboyant cashier tells me, "Wow, you have an amazing walk! I was watching you walk over here, and you look like a beauty queen or something."

Me (laughing),"Well, thank you. Maybe it's 'cause in my head I secretly think I'm a beauty queen!"

Cashier: "And you have a great smile too!" (Looks at my hand) "Are you married? engaged? Single?"

Me: "Oh, Uh I live with my boyfriend."

Cashier: "How's he?!"

Me: "He's good...."

LOL

   Last time I was on call, I ran into this gem in the ladies bathroom.  What's even worse, is that it stayed there for a good three days after that.  Way to clean the bathroom, janitorial staff!

Girl, you done left yo' weave in da bathroom!

   I'm really enjoying internal medicine.  My goals for this rotation are just to learn a ton, and 'study' for Step 2 CK in the meantime, since I'm taking it 2.5 weeks after this clerkship ends.  Fortunately, I've heard Step 2 is very internal medicine heavy, so I should be okay.  So far, I'm learning a ton, and I absolutely adore the demented old patients.  Crazy old ladies still need OB/Gyns, right?

I Like Adults So Much More Than Children

   I'm nearing the end of my first week on Internal Medicine, and I actually really enjoy it!  So far, I'm really having a fun time, and the patients are really interesting.  I have a lot to learn, but I'm really enjoying the process.  The Q4 schedule (overnight call every 4 days with regular days in between) is a little rough, but it also give you random time off, so that's nice.
   Yesterday, I did a MOCA on one of my old patients, and because he is a bit demented, he really struggled on it.  I just told him, "Oh, don't worry.  Just try your best!  These tests are a bit tricky!" After getting through the cognitive assessment with some frustration on his part, (and just to give you an idea of how bad he struggled - he scored a 14/30 after spending an hour doing it), I told him, "Thanks for being so patient with me!  That's it for now!"  And he replied, "Oh, you know, that was actually pretty fun.  It gets kinda boring sitting in the hospital so it was nice to have someone here."  Man, I love old people.




   Also, as an aside.  This is a thought I've had for a little while, but keep forgetting to blog about.  One of my big pet peeves is when residents/attendings are in the middle of talking to/listening to patients, and their pager goes off, and they rudely stop everything to read their pager.  I completely understand that we have to answer our pages in a timely manner, but it's so much more polite to just take two seconds to say, "Oh, please excuse me.  I just have to read this really quick."  I've seen people in the middle of a serious heart-to-heart convo with a patient, and all of a sudden BEEP BEEP BEEP! And they completely ignore the patient sobbing in front of them as they read their pager and fidget with it.  And then a minute later, they look back up at the patient and say, "Sorry, what did you say?"  That is so rude.  Just excuse yourself, so the patient knows that you still want to listen to them, and this page isn't more important than what they're saying, necessarily.

Try Not To Blink, Everything Will Pass You By

   How is it already March?!  I feel like just yesterday I was finishing up with the winter holiday break and starting out of my Primary Care rotation.  The last two months of Primary Care just flew by.  Overall, primary care was okay.  I liked the hours, and I loved getting to know some of the patients, especially the old sassy ones.  What I didn't really care for were the types of problems that the patients come in for: musculoskeletal aches and pains, coughs/colds, etc just doesn't really tickle my fancy.  I did, however, get really jazzed when a woman would come in with OB/Gyn-related issues.  At one point, I knew more than my attending did about contraception, and that patient really looked to me and trusted my input.  I also didn't care for the pace.  It seemed to me that the attendings and residents moved SO SLOW in clinic.  And a lot of the day was spent waiting for patients to show up - and then they would be super late and throw off the whole day's schedule.
   I can't believe that we only have one more rotation of third year.  I am so ready to be done with third year.  I'm so tired of being evaluated 24/7 by tons of different people, who seem to have been given a script of feedback to give.  "You did a great job, you're right where you should be. Just keep doing what you're doing.  No, I can't really think of anything that you can work on" = pass.  It's just annoying to me because I'm doing much better work clinically than I was in the beginning of the year, but I'm more tired and burned out, so I'm just not as bubbly and gung-ho about everything, and it seems like those qualities are more important in our evaluations.  On the bright side, I feel really good about the fact that I have come a long ways over this year.  I have picked up so much knowledge about taking care of patients, I have become a lot more efficient, and I think I am pretty competent at H&Ps.  What I'm most proud about, is how much more confident I have become over the year in several aspects.  I'm no longer afraid of attendings or residents.  I feel comfortable expressing my opinion and demonstrating my skills.  I am so much more comfortable with patient interactions now.  I have even gotten to the point where I start counseling and introduce some of my thoughts about the assessment and plan to the patient before even discussing it with anyone (only if I'm pretty sure I know what's going on, of course).  So regardless of what my evaluations have been saying lately, I know I've improved drastically over this year, and I'm very happy with where I'm at now.  I can't wait to continue improving and learning, too.

   Things have been extremely busy lately, and it seems like everything is gearing up in my life right now.  Primary Care had a ton of projects and assignments to fill up our free time.  The research I'm working on with one of the OB/Gyn residents just got IRB approved, so that's gonna start taking off.  MIRTH is next week, so I've been working with some classmates to pull that together.  I submitted an application to go to a special leadership conference for MSFC in May (I really hope I get it!).  There are a bunch of other things going on too, and third year is almost over, so we're planning and scheduling our fourth year, which is stressful but super exciting!  I've already scheduled my USMLE Step 2 CK and CS dates.

   So this weekend is a nice chance to "relax" before my next, and last, rotation of third year: Internal Medicine.  It's gonna be rough, I already know.  But my plan is to just hit it hard, and study really hard during it - that way I'm ready to take Step 2 CK a couple of weeks after it's done.  This weekend is also going to be half dedicated to "get my shit together" before getting cozy living under my rock for the next two months.

I Love Crazy Old Bats

Pieces of flair on one of my preceptor's doors

    One of my favorite parts of primary care has been working with the geriatric population.  I just love old people, because they're a bit kooky, and they've gotten to the point in life where they don't care what anyone thinks anymore.  And sometimes they're just so sweet.  I had this elderly Asian woman one day, who was just so precious.  She told me that she wanted to see me again, and as she left the appointment, she gave my preceptor and I hugs, saying, "I love you."  

    I even like the demented elderly patients too.  When asked what we could do for her, one 90-something-year-old woman replied, "How do you get rich?"

Resident: "I wish I knew the answer to that ma'am."

Lady: "What would you do if you got rich?"

Resident: "Well, I'd probably spend more time with my family.  But I would still want to see patients too."

Lady: "Well, if you figure it out, call me."

   I love it when they get sassy.

Medical Mondays Blog Hop!

   Hey everyone!  Welcome! It's that time again - time to explore more medical-related blogs.  Head on over to Your Doctor's Wife to check out all the bloggers that linked up!

   So the other day, I was working with an attending in primary care, and like many attendings do, he asked me, "So, have you decided what you don't wanna go into?"  I have never heard it asked that way before, and I thought it was an odd twist on the typical, "What specialty are you interested in?" that most attendings/residents ask us malleable med students.  If you are new to my blog, then you probably don't know: I am super gung-ho about OB/Gyn.  So when he asked me that question, I politely answered, "Well, I guess (I don't want to go into) anything other than OB/Gyn."  Then he went on to scoff about how "self-assured" of me it was to say that.  Dude, you asked!

   That set the tone for the rest of the conversation.  We happened to be working with a lot of geriatric patients that day, so he goes on to talk about one of his colleagues, and how old she was when she had her baby, so maybe I'll work with geriatric patients at times.  I felt bad for one of the female residents who then awkwardly admits, "Oh, I'm 39 and I'd still like to have a child." He then proceeded to go off on some awkward mommy-issue-rooted rant about how women shouldn't have children any later than 40: because then "they don't get to spend any time with their kids or grandkids because they die too soon." He talked about how his mom died when he was 29, so "she missed out on my life and meeting her grandkids."  Then he boasted about how his wife had their youngest child when she was 37 because of this very issue.  

   I think it's really easy to determine how women should or should not raise families when you are a man, because you totally know what you're talking about, and you totally know from experience.  What particularly pissed me off was the fact that he shut down that poor female resident with his stupid rant.  If he would have taken time to actually listen to her, he would have realized that she has been married for many years, has been busy pursuing a career in medicine, so in attempt to be responsible has been waiting, and finally is ready to have kids.  He would have heard that she actually has been trying to get pregnant for a few years now, but it doesn't happen overnight.  

   I've gotten to the point this year where I'm tired of getting walked all over every day as a med student, and then getting graded on how well you lie on the floor after being walked on.  So I decided to say something to this attending, because he was out of line.  I said, "You know, unfortunately these days, if you want to pursue a challenging career, especially one in medicine, many women choose to put that part of their life on hold, and end up having to have children later."  It wasn't a profound statement by any means, but he looked sort of dumbfounded, and then realized his audience - and shut up.  

I Can Feel Again

   So far, this year has been going really well.  I started my Primary Care rotation at Kaiser, and I like it!   My preceptors are all really friendly, laid-back, and most of them are really good with their patients.  I'm getting a little bored of rashes, colds, and "aches & pains", but overall, I like talking to the patients.  And sometimes, they come in, and you give them something that actually really helps them.

   I really like the Kaiser-type work environment.  I'm sure it'd be somewhat different for OB-Gyn than it is for primary care, but nevertheless, KP takes pretty good care of its employees, and I like that.

   I'm also just generally feeling much better.  The last couple of months before break, I was feeling super numb, burned out, and anhedonic.  Three weeks of vacation was absolutely necessary in my returning-to-normal, as was some sessions with the school psychologist, finishing the worst rotation ever (peds), and lots of puppy-time.  I finally feel like I'm getting back to my normal self, and enjoying things again.

   Training the puppy has been a blast.  When people told us beforehand that it was going to be like having a baby, I didn't understand what they meant, but it really is like having a baby!  Except, as a puppy, he is more in the "terrible twos"-toddler stage, where he gets into trouble all the time.  The first week or so, he would cry in his crate every night, which I was expecting, but I have never heard such a shrill, jarring noise come from an animal!  And when we would try to walk him, he would just go around us in circles on the leash, stop to smell everything, and just stop sometimes.  We've had him for three weeks now, and he has come a long way.  Now, when we put him to bed at night, he actually goes into his crate by himself, lies down, and then just sighs in defeat before he goes to sleep quietly.  He is also doing much better in the potty-training area, and hasn't had any accidents in over a week!  At first, I don't think he understood what it meant to hold his bladder, but now he goes to the door, and just sits there and stares at you when he wants to be let out - it's so cute.  It's amazing how fast a puppy can learn, but it's a lot of work, and he is a pretty good puppy.  I shlove him.

"I"m gonna take YOU for a walk!"

"Squirrel!"

Poopin-face

BF: "Why did you take a picture of me 'beating' the dog?!"
Me: "It looks like you're rubbing his tummy!"
LOL

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

   Before you start your third year of medical school, people try to tell you how hard its gonna be.  And you think you know what they're talking about, but you can't possibly know until you go through it for yourself.  Before this year started, I thought I understood what being a doctor would be like - but I had no idea.  Its just something you can't describe until you experience it.

   This last rotation has been quite hard for me.  I have been on pediatrics, something that I am not at all interested in.  And we've been going straight for six months without any breaks, and often not even having entire weekends.  I never thought I would feel this burned out, but here I am.  These last two months have been a pretty low point in my life, and its gotten to the point where I don't like who I've become.  I'm bitter, irritable, unmotivated, withdrawn from family and friends, and don't even enjoy fun things I used to.  I can't even pinpoint anything in particular that's made me feel this way.  Its just all of it.  I need a break... really bad.

   The one thing that makes me feel slightly better is that:
A) I'm not alone - everyone, even the most bubbly, giddy people in my class are feeling like I am right now.
B) There is something I love in medicine - OBGyn.  I loved my time on that rotation and am really looking forward to being an OBgyn resident.
C) After my shelf tomorrow morning, I have three wonderful weeks off.  THREE WEEKS.  I have only had four days off in the past month!
D) BF takes care of me, though he has to take care of himself too
E) Puppy is coming home in like two weeks and I CAN'T WAIT

   For the longest time I was trying to ignore how down I've been, in fact that's a big reason I haven't blogged in a while, because I knew it would just be bitter rants about my days.  But I finally realized that I don't have to live like this, so I tried to make an appointment with our school psychologist, however she was booked solid this week (I'm guessing everyone else is having crises around this time too?).  I'll get in there soon enough haha.  But yeah, I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes we all need a bit of help.  And I hate how people are so hush-hush-taboo about mental health and seeing therapists.  It's completely normal, and quite helpful - if you buy into it.  Anyway, just wanted to share some of the things that I've been struggling with lately.  And if you are a pre-med, med student, or resident out there who is struggling a bit, you aren't alone.  Sometimes, we all just need a bit of a boost.

 

I Can't Wait To Be A Fur-Mom

   I've been wanting a dog for some time now, and now I don't want to wait anymore.  In pursuing a career in medicine, we are constantly settling for "delayed gratification" - putting in countless hours of work and sacrificing having lives for our hypothetical futures we desire.  While other people our age have jobs, houses, cars, marriages, and sometimes kids, we hold off because we don't have the time yet.  BF and I were planning on waiting until our fourth year to get a dog, because we figured we'd have more time.  But the more we think about it, the more we realize that fourth year is going to be busy too, and why wait if there is never going to be a "good" time.  And since we both have less demanding rotations after the holiday break, it will be a perfect time to introduce a new four-legged family member into our home.
   We've been hunting online for puppies, but haven't found a match yet because all the puppies are ready to go home now, and we aren't quite ready for them yet.  We are looking to get one right after we get back from our holiday trip to the east coast, and I'm sure something will work out.

   I was feeling desperate for some canine-time, and it just worked out perfectly that a family friend needed a dog-sitter this weekend!  So this weekend, I brought Cody over to my house to hang out.  He is so adorable, and we've been having a blast.  And I've been practicing my fur-parenting skills haha.

Medical Mondays - Reality Slap

   Time to link up again!  Head over to Your Doctor's Wife if you are on the hunt for more fabulous medical related blogs to read.

   I'm still partially recovering from the reality slap of a meeting I had with my advisor for OBGyn the other day.  I met with him to discuss what kind of candidate I am for applying to OBGyn residency, what I should do to make myself more competitive (especially because I'll be couples-matching), etc.  Unfortunately, I have a lot of work to do.  He said my scores and such are good, however, I am seriously lacking in the extra-curricular/research section of my application.  Compared to my classmates (who over-commit and spread themselves wayyy too thin, in my opinion), I look like a slacker.  Womp womp.  I am just the type of person who is "all or nothing".  If I commit to something, I go full-force, gung-ho.  That's why I don't commit to just anything.
   So, as much as I thought I would never do research in med school, here I am looking for a project.  I have never done research before, so I have no idea where to even start with anything!  I think I've been so hesitant to do any research because I know I'm going to need a lot of hand-holding.  I definitely need to come up with something that really interests me, though.  If I have learned anything about myself, it's that I am capable of really hard work, but only when I'm extremely motivated.

   I also think my advisor is sorta pushing me beyond where I really need to be as a candidate, because I think he wants me to just get in wherever I decide I want to go, easily.  And that's okay.  I need to be pushed sometimes.  We all saw what happened when my advisor pushed me farther than I thought I could go when studying for boards...

When You Know, You Know!

   Just finished my third night in a row of overnight call for OBgyn, and I'm somehow feeling more refreshed than ever! In the last three nights, I've delivered one baby boy, one baby girl, and a few placentas. One of the new dads had the nurse put a onesie on his newborn that said, "mommy, will you marry daddy?" Another patient came in at term and gave birth within a few hours of arriving, with absolutely no prenatal care and meth positive. I've observed several other births, held a woman's leg while she pushed, and scrubbed in on a salphingostomy for an ectopic pregnancy. I've been working with attendings, residents and nurses who may be tired, but they all love their jobs and are extremely passionate about caring for patients. The residents aren't touchy-feely-bubbly, but they actually acknowledge me, include me and let me do stuff, and teach me when they have time. I've even had two chief residents tell me I'm doing a good job, one of which told me she "has a good feeling about me going into OBgyn." I'm tired, but it's been incredible.
   I don't know how any other specialty is going to live up to this!

   Unfortunately, the one bummer is that I lent my stethoscope to one of the residents, who left it on the table in the work room to give it back to me, and someone took it :(. I mean, I didn't really have a choice - when a resident or attending asks you to borrow your stethoscope, it would be really rude to say no. But it just sucks because it was an expensive one and the resident was super nonchalant about it. I can't really do anything about it because they are evaluating me. Oh well, I have a cheaper back-up one at home. And maybe this is the price I must pay for getting so much action on my call nights.

Medical Mondays Blog Hop

   Hi everyone!  If you're new to my blog, hello!  I am a third year medical student who love cats, mac and cheese, and women's health!  Thanks for stopping by and be sure to stop by Your Doctor's Wife for the Medical Mondays Blog Hop to find a bunch of other awesome medical-related blogs!

Vaginoplasty: The Difference Between Plastic Surgeons And OB/Gyns

   Just came across this article about how ACOG is concerned about the medical validity of vaginal and vulvar reconstructive procedures.  I think they are concerned for good reason!  Since when does someone's vulva have to fit a cookie cutter mold?!  One of the coolest parts of being a woman is how unique our girly parts are, or at least that's what I think.  Also, women are undergoing these procedures to "boost their self-esteem" or improve their sex life, however, one of the potential side effects of these reconstructive surgeries is loss of sensation, which seems a bit counterproductive.

   I think this issue demonstrates the difference between the way plastic surgeons and OB/Gyns think.  OB/Gyns are all about taking care of women, concerned about their well-being, and they accept the wonderful uniqueness to each and every person.  Plastic surgeons just see the potential to "fix" yet another non-existent "flaw", and make everyone look the same.  I know plastic surgeons do a lot of good work too, but there is a lot that they do that makes my nostrils flare.  If you wanna pull people's faces back so they look like snakes, and make women's breasts look like oranges sitting on their chest, that's one thing, but keep your hands off of women's va-jay jays, okay?