Thursday, December 13, 2012

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

   Before you start your third year of medical school, people try to tell you how hard its gonna be.  And you think you know what they're talking about, but you can't possibly know until you go through it for yourself.  Before this year started, I thought I understood what being a doctor would be like - but I had no idea.  Its just something you can't describe until you experience it.

   This last rotation has been quite hard for me.  I have been on pediatrics, something that I am not at all interested in.  And we've been going straight for six months without any breaks, and often not even having entire weekends.  I never thought I would feel this burned out, but here I am.  These last two months have been a pretty low point in my life, and its gotten to the point where I don't like who I've become.  I'm bitter, irritable, unmotivated, withdrawn from family and friends, and don't even enjoy fun things I used to.  I can't even pinpoint anything in particular that's made me feel this way.  Its just all of it.  I need a break... really bad.

   The one thing that makes me feel slightly better is that:
A) I'm not alone - everyone, even the most bubbly, giddy people in my class are feeling like I am right now.
B) There is something I love in medicine - OBGyn.  I loved my time on that rotation and am really looking forward to being an OBgyn resident.
C) After my shelf tomorrow morning, I have three wonderful weeks off.  THREE WEEKS.  I have only had four days off in the past month!
D) BF takes care of me, though he has to take care of himself too
E) Puppy is coming home in like two weeks and I CAN'T WAIT

   For the longest time I was trying to ignore how down I've been, in fact that's a big reason I haven't blogged in a while, because I knew it would just be bitter rants about my days.  But I finally realized that I don't have to live like this, so I tried to make an appointment with our school psychologist, however she was booked solid this week (I'm guessing everyone else is having crises around this time too?).  I'll get in there soon enough haha.  But yeah, I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes we all need a bit of help.  And I hate how people are so hush-hush-taboo about mental health and seeing therapists.  It's completely normal, and quite helpful - if you buy into it.  Anyway, just wanted to share some of the things that I've been struggling with lately.  And if you are a pre-med, med student, or resident out there who is struggling a bit, you aren't alone.  Sometimes, we all just need a bit of a boost.



  1. I hope you can get an appointment soonest. Yes, indeed, we all need someone to talk to. I was just saying that yesterday to my husband that I have some issues that need to be talked out and if he didn't want to hear them for what-ever reason, then calling in a pro was the next line of self-care. In your case-calling's the first line and that's how it should be. BF has enough to do already. Good for you for calling.

    My bestie's fifteen year old granddaughter and also another girl I know of the same age both Asked for consults when they needed to talk things out. Their generation feels NO stigma asking for professionals to give a hand sometimes. For that I am very very grateful.

  2. I hope things begin to get easier. I'm not a med student but as a public accountant working 70 hours a week for four months straight it was hard to adjust. Not even seeing family or having a whole weekend off would help. Six months and you're just now feeling down is great- strong stamina. Wishing that your break is exactly what you need to recharge and feel like you're living again!

  3. Totally know how you're feeling, though ironically this point hit for me on OB. It gets better though, and talking it out definitely helps. 4th year is stressful in different ways- I.e I've been in 4 different cities these week- but the nice thing is that when you're on rotations 4th year it's doing what you want, and that honestly makes all the difference.

  4. I have no med school wisdom, but I have also been having not the easiest of times and the school therapy route has helped. *boost* to you! I know you'll get through this.

  5. Hang in there Ash! All your friends are here for you. I'm sure the holiday break will be rejuvenating. And if you need to really escape, you are always welcome to visit me in Vegas!

  6. more than half of my husbands medical school class was on anti-depressants/anxiety meds at some point during their schooling. of course, he didn't know that until he went on them himself - because you are right, no one talks about it. I am glad you are making an appointment, but even more glad that you have already found something to get passionate doing for your career. Hang in there, it will get better - and there is nothing wrong with taking breaks, or asking for help. Best of luck on your shelf exam and enjoy your well deserved time off.

  7. Three weeks!! Enjoy them and just do NOTHING!!! And you shouldn't deter from blogging about the bitterness... It's so therapeutic. :)

  8. LOL is that you in the pumps? I'm going to pass your blog on to my client who is studying for her boards.