Before you start your third year of medical school, people try to tell you how hard its gonna be. And you think you know what they're talking about, but you can't possibly know until you go through it for yourself. Before this year started, I thought I understood what being a doctor would be like - but I had no idea. Its just something you can't describe until you experience it.
This last rotation has been quite hard for me. I have been on pediatrics, something that I am not at all interested in. And we've been going straight for six months without any breaks, and often not even having entire weekends. I never thought I would feel this burned out, but here I am. These last two months have been a pretty low point in my life, and its gotten to the point where I don't like who I've become. I'm bitter, irritable, unmotivated, withdrawn from family and friends, and don't even enjoy fun things I used to. I can't even pinpoint anything in particular that's made me feel this way. Its just all of it. I need a break... really bad.
The one thing that makes me feel slightly better is that:
A) I'm not alone - everyone, even the most bubbly, giddy people in my class are feeling like I am right now.
B) There is something I love in medicine - OBGyn. I loved my time on that rotation and am really looking forward to being an OBgyn resident.
C) After my shelf tomorrow morning, I have three wonderful weeks off. THREE WEEKS. I have only had four days off in the past month!
D) BF takes care of me, though he has to take care of himself too
E) Puppy is coming home in like two weeks and I CAN'T WAIT
For the longest time I was trying to ignore how down I've been, in fact that's a big reason I haven't blogged in a while, because I knew it would just be bitter rants about my days. But I finally realized that I don't have to live like this, so I tried to make an appointment with our school psychologist, however she was booked solid this week (I'm guessing everyone else is having crises around this time too?). I'll get in there soon enough haha. But yeah, I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes we all need a bit of help. And I hate how people are so hush-hush-taboo about mental health and seeing therapists. It's completely normal, and quite helpful - if you buy into it. Anyway, just wanted to share some of the things that I've been struggling with lately. And if you are a pre-med, med student, or resident out there who is struggling a bit, you aren't alone. Sometimes, we all just need a bit of a boost.