In the grand scheme of things, 30 days is the blink of an eye

   Yep, shit is getting real now, y'all.  30 days until Match Day - the day that our fate is decided.

What I've been doing to keep my mind off of it:

• Co-hosted a bridal shower
• Performed "My Angry Vagina" in the Vagina Monologues
• Spending 9 - 5 in a dissection anatomy didactic
• Working on the class yearbook
• Planning and filming stuff for Mirth Control
• Scrambling to work on and finish my research project that is due next Friday (to get credit for 4th year).  Unfortunately, I only have preliminary data to turn in for the school project deadline, but I plan to submit a more complete project later for actual publication. 
• Zumba, running, Hip-hop, and dieting
• Crafting when time permits (not often lately)

   I'm getting more excited, and trying not to be worried, because there is absolutely nothing I can do at this point to change the outcome of the match.  I just wanna get it over with, rip the bandaid off, and find out where we're going to spend the next 5-7 years of our lives!  

Exercise Endorphins

   Last week, I finally started to get serious about trying to lose weight.  I mean, I have a bridesmaid dress sitting in my closet that I need to fit into by May!  It almost zips all the way, it's just a teensy bit too tight (due to a bit of extra weight from interview feasts + holiday feasts).  I have plenty of time, and I know I can do it, so I'm not too worried.  I just need to do it.

   So anyway, last week, in addition to my usual running the puppy every other day (BF and I trade off), I finally joined this dance studio I've been stalking online for years.  I ended up going 4 times in the week, and I loved it!  I forgot how happy it makes me to dance.  And I love how concentrating on technique and the routine completely clears my mind, which is hard to do to a medical student.  So I can't wait to keep going for the next two months while I still live here.

   Last week I did really well.  I stuck to my diet, I worked out 6/7 days, and actually worked out twice in one day a few times.  I felt like a million bucks.  Then, I took a break from dieting for a day so that I could pig out enjoy Superbowl snacks, which was fine because I planned for it.  But then Monday, I think a combo of not getting enough sleep, transitional exhaustion from actually having to be on a rotation again, and the temptation of leftover Superbowl snacks in the fridge was the perfect recipe for an unplanned binge TERRIBLE diet/exercise day.  I ended up feeling like crap all Monday, Tuesday, and first half of today.  It was so hard to get back into the zone I was in last week - until I went on my puppy run.  I felt so much better afterward!  It was like an instant mood boost!  I think I may have crossed over to that point I've always heard people talk about, where you become "addicted" to exercise and feel crappy when you don't do it.  I've never been like that before!  Anyway, now that I know how much better I feel if I just get out there and DO something, it won't be as hard to drag myself to do it.

The last month has started off a little rocky...

I can't believe how good I was last month.  I ran almost 30 miles! 

Stuck In A Weird Spot

   Every now and then, I find myself stuck in a weird spot. Now is one of those times. On one hand, I feel anxious for time to pass, and to get these next few months over with. It's excruciating worrying about where we're gonna match, and it's completely out of our control at this point. I also have so many things I need to get done in the next month or two that are nagging at me constantly. I can't wait for these things to be accomplished so I can stop fretting about them. 

   On the other hand, I also want time to slow down, so that I can stay in this moment forever. The end of fourth year is so bittersweet, knowing this is gonna be the last time you spend with a lot of your classmates. And lately I've been so spoiled with fun, easy rotations that residency is gonna hurt for the first few months. I've had time to relax, exercise, re-exploring my love for dance, read books that make me happy but not smarter, and craft to my heart's content.  

   I'm confused about what I want. Regardless, time is gonna keep on passing by, and my perception of that is gonna be what it's gonna be. 

Mission Bridal Shower - Accomplished!

   And it turned out pretty well! Congrats F & C! :)

Happy 70th Birthday, Grandma!

  My mom and I went down to San Diego to visit my grandma for her very first birthday party ever - her 70th!  She was thrilled to have us, and though it can be frustrating being so different from parts of my family, overall it was a good time.

50 Days

   Get your tiny violin out, folks, because my lovely 10 weeks of vacation is almost over.  It has been absolutely amazing.  And surprisingly, I actually haven't gotten bored because I've been keeping busy with all of my various projects.

"What has been occupying her time?" you might wonder:

• Bridal shower planning: This was a few days ago, and it turned out lovely, but I'm glad it's over so I don't have to think about it anymore.  And speaking of being a good bridesmaid, I've been trying to lose weight to fit into my bridesmaid dress. 
• Research: Still slow-going.  The hardest part is waiting.
• Class yearbook: We chose a fantastic company, and everything is underway and going well so far.  I'm really excited about this!
• MIRTH Control: This is probably stressing me out the most.  Time to come up with videos/skits is dwindling, getting people to commit to participate is like pulling teeth, and I have so many other things I'm working on too.
• Vagina Monologues: This is the first time I've ever really acted.  I need to practice more, because the other people performing are really good.  Gotta step my game up.
• Planning our New Zealand vacation: Luckily this isn't until April, so there's still time, but I don't wanna procrastinate too much.
• MATCH Rank Order List: DONE, thank goodness.  Certified and everything.  We've got about 23 ranks together, and the rest of our 144-long list are us matching in different cities.  The good news is that there is absolutely nothing else we need to do before match day.  The bad news is that it makes me soooo anxious thinking about us not matching together.  

   Well, it seems like even more to me after I listed it all out. It's been fun!  Next week I start a rotation where we observe and perform surgical procedures on human cadavers.  Should be pretty interesting, but I'm not looking forward to actually having to be somewhere every day.  I know, I know... This is why I told you to get out your tiny violin earlier.

Hello 2014, I've Been Expecting You

   Ever since I started med school almost 4 whole years ago, I have been looking forward to the year 2014 - the year I finally reach my life-long goal of becoming a doctor.  This year, even more so than last year, will be full of milestones, changes, progress and challenges.  This year is going to be a wild ride.



   Here are last year's resolutions revisited:

1. "Re-find my happy place": I think I made great progress on this goal.  Third year got the best of me mentally, and I am thankful that 2013/fourth year were so much better.  Yeah, there were times during fourth year where I've had a lot more free time, so that definitely contributed, but I've also been a lot better about using my free time to recharge.  I've also been so much better about just doing whatever I want in the moment - whether that's crafting, blogging, binge-watching tv, painting my nails, etc - and not feeling guilty that I should be doing something more productive.  I'd say I was pretty successful in re-visiting old hobbies and exploring new ones.  I also made a lot more effort than usual this year to spend time with family, med school friends, and non-med school friends, which I think has enriched my life as well.  Overall, mission accomplished, but it shouldn't end there.
2. "Become an OB/Gyn rockstar": I nailed this one, I think.  I accomplished all but one of the goals I set out for myself, though they seemed daunting at the time.  Though my research isn't at the stage where I'd thought it would be at this time, I'm still really proud of myself for what I've been able to achieve so far.  I worked my butt off during my sub-internships, studied hard for Step 2 CK, and put WAY more hours into my personal statement than I ever anticipated.  Interview season started off a little slower than I would have hoped for, however, it picked up towards the middle, and now I can say I am comfortable with the number and quality of programs that I've interviewed at.  
3. "Train Melvie": This was definitely just as hard as I anticipated it would be, and there were times when BF and I were both incredibly frustrated, but we did it!  Don't get me wrong, Melvie still has moments of bad behavior (like when he decides to destroy something while we're gone), but he is such a good dog now, extremely well-behaved 90% of the time.  I'm soooo glad we got him.  I mean, I love this stupid dog to death.  My favorite part about him is how every morning he wakes us up by jumping into bed, laying between us, and "cuddling" us awake.  
4. "Keep a cleaner house": Well, this last year I was cleaner than the year before, but this is very much a work in progress... Not much else to say about that haha.
5. "Be more of a morning person": Yeahhhh.... not so much.  Fail.

   New resolutions for 2014:

1. (Couples) Match into OB/Gyn residency:  I'm well on my way to this one.  Two more interviews to go, then the rank list is due in February.  After we finish all of our interviews, BF and I will sit down and pow-wow about all our favorites.  Then, on the ever-so-fateful March 21, 2014, we will get that powerful little envelope which reveals where we'll spend the next 5-7 years (thanks to BF and his pediatric surgery aspirations lol).  I am so excited!
2. Graduate from medical school with my M.D.
3. Find a new place to live the next chapter of our lives.
4. Finish my research project: I'm hoping to have written my manuscript at least by the time I start intern year.  We'll see if that actually happens...
5. Be a good bridesmaid: I'll be helping throw a bridal shower in a few weeks, so I hope that turns out well.  I hope I fulfill all of my bridesmaid duties well.  Also, another goal is to fit into my bridesmaid dress that I bought on the small side as motivation to lose weight.  I tried it on yesterday and it didn't zip all the way up... so I have work to do haha.
6. Make the yearbook for my class.
7. Revamp my blog:  I've had this stupid, irrelevant layout for almost all of med school.  Unfortunately, I know nothing about design or HTML-ing, so this will be a challenge.  But I'd really like to start residency with a prettier blog.
8. 365 days of gratitude: I saw this video of a woman who took a picture each day for a year, reflecting on the positive things in her life she was thankful for.  I've been wanting to do something like this for a while, as reflection and gratitude are huge parts of living a happy, fulfilling life, however I haven't found a format I can stick to yet.  In the past, I tried a paper journal, but I just always ended up not doing it.  This year, I'm gonna try this type of "photo a day" format electronically via Tumblr, so that I can hopefully even do it during residency.  I've decided to keep it completely anonymous, so I can be 100% honest and not hold anything back.  
9. Live it up before intern year starts: Veg out.  Travel.  Drink a lot.  Spend time with friends and family.  Keep doing arts & crafts.  DO IT ALL NOW WHILE I STILL HAVE SOME SORT OF A LIFE!
10. Survive the first half of intern year: Hopefully I'll do more than survive.  I really hope I thrive.

   Happy new year!  I'm excited for the next chapter, but a little sad that this one is ending.