Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot, And Never Brought To Mind

(I'm a couple of days late with this - better late than never!)


   Despite what ancient Mayans' calendars may have predicted, 2012 has come and gone (and the world is still here).  This year was one with many changes, full of progress, but with little time for recharge.  When I look back at where I was in the beginning of this year compared to where I am now - mentally, intellectually, romantically, socially - my, how things have changed!

The year I performed at the Wine Auction

The year I passed USMLE Step 1

The year I went to Peru with J

The year  I delivered my first baby (and second!)

The year my friends came up from LA to surprise me for my birthday

The year Yolanda died, and I bought my Volvo

The year we went camping in Oregon... again

The year I fell head-over-heels in love and became attached at the hip after the 3rd date

The year I moved in with my BF

The year my sister graduated high school and started college

The year I discovered HONEY BOO BOO

The year BF turned dirty thirty!

The year I adopted another kitty

The year BF and I got a puppy

The year I went to Connecticut for Christmas

The year I visited high school friends in NYC

   And much, much more.  So here's to 2012!  I'm glad the world didn't end :P ... too much good stuff goin' on!

East Coast Christmas

   This year I spent a lovely, white Christmas on the East Coast with BF and his family.  It was my first time being away from my family, so I missed them, but I had a lovely time with BF's family!

BF and I sent out ridiculous Christmas card pictures - seen here on my sister's fridge

Sif and Zoey relaxing at their Grandparents' house while we are away

Went to NYC for a night to visit these high school friends :)

NYC!

Christmas Eve wii fun as it snowed outside

Finding the pickle ornament Christmas morning - I won!

SNOW!

Yeah, that's right - I have a tree-decorating man :)

Lobster dinner extravaganza 

Facetiming my family on Christmas - this is my Nan

Brunch in Newport, RI

Mansions in Newport, RI

Is It Weird To Celebrate A Bloggiversary?

   I'm about a week late, but three years ago I started this blog the day I got accepted to med school.  I figured it would be a good way of documenting my experiences, so that I could look back when I'm older and say, "Ha! What the heck was I doing with my life?!" When I started it, I wasn't really sure if I would actually keep up with it, but I've surprised myself with how loyal I've been to it - and I even have 39 followers now!  I mean, that sorta makes me famous, right?!  Jk - 39 followers in the blogging world ain't no thang.
   But it has been a lot of fun.  And I really love this little medical blogger community.  It's so nice to read about others' experiences, and to be constantly reminded that I'm not alone in this crazy world of medicine.  The last few months, I've been in a sort of slump, but with this holiday break, I'm already starting to feel better and refreshed.

   As far as my attempts at getting some feel-good therapy in the psychologists' chair, I still haven't been able to make an appointment because my lady is so booked.  I'm not annoyed about it though, because I'm not anywhere near crisis-mode, and these others who are meeting her might need her attention more immediately.  We were finally able to hammer down a time to meet when I get back from the holiday break, so that'll do just fine.  I'm already feeling way less down-in-the-dumps since break started, but I think it will be good to just touch bases and make sure I'm taking care of my mental well-being for the rest of the third year clerkships.

   Anyway, back to the blogging topic.  I'm definitely happy with what I've been getting out of blogging so far, but someday I'd really love to write a book.  A book about what?  Well, something non-fiction, of course, but who knows.  Maybe about my journey in medicine?  Maybe about my future career as an OB/Gyn?  Maybe about some other experience yet to be had?  I'll figure it out :P

   I hope everyone has a lovely and safe Christmas, New Years, and whatever other holidays you and your family celebrate!

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

   Before you start your third year of medical school, people try to tell you how hard its gonna be.  And you think you know what they're talking about, but you can't possibly know until you go through it for yourself.  Before this year started, I thought I understood what being a doctor would be like - but I had no idea.  Its just something you can't describe until you experience it.

   This last rotation has been quite hard for me.  I have been on pediatrics, something that I am not at all interested in.  And we've been going straight for six months without any breaks, and often not even having entire weekends.  I never thought I would feel this burned out, but here I am.  These last two months have been a pretty low point in my life, and its gotten to the point where I don't like who I've become.  I'm bitter, irritable, unmotivated, withdrawn from family and friends, and don't even enjoy fun things I used to.  I can't even pinpoint anything in particular that's made me feel this way.  Its just all of it.  I need a break... really bad.

   The one thing that makes me feel slightly better is that:
A) I'm not alone - everyone, even the most bubbly, giddy people in my class are feeling like I am right now.
B) There is something I love in medicine - OBGyn.  I loved my time on that rotation and am really looking forward to being an OBgyn resident.
C) After my shelf tomorrow morning, I have three wonderful weeks off.  THREE WEEKS.  I have only had four days off in the past month!
D) BF takes care of me, though he has to take care of himself too
E) Puppy is coming home in like two weeks and I CAN'T WAIT

   For the longest time I was trying to ignore how down I've been, in fact that's a big reason I haven't blogged in a while, because I knew it would just be bitter rants about my days.  But I finally realized that I don't have to live like this, so I tried to make an appointment with our school psychologist, however she was booked solid this week (I'm guessing everyone else is having crises around this time too?).  I'll get in there soon enough haha.  But yeah, I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes we all need a bit of help.  And I hate how people are so hush-hush-taboo about mental health and seeing therapists.  It's completely normal, and quite helpful - if you buy into it.  Anyway, just wanted to share some of the things that I've been struggling with lately.  And if you are a pre-med, med student, or resident out there who is struggling a bit, you aren't alone.  Sometimes, we all just need a bit of a boost.

 

Another FurBaby On The Way!

   I know a lot of people like to shop on Black Friday for Christmas presents, but this year, BF and I had a very special Black Friday.  We started out by hitting up the sales at Petsmart (alongside all of the crazy cat ladies).  We almost had to throw it down with some crazy cat ladies to get the last cat tower on sale, but we got it, and the kitties LOVE it.  Anyway, I digress.  We bought the very best thing you could ever buy this Black Friday: our puppy!

   After a long time stalking the classifieds for golden retriever puppies, BF and I are now finally the proud fur-parents to a sweet, month old golden retriever puppy.  In our search, I came across a lot of puppies that were too expensive, ready to be picked up too early, located too far away, etc.  This puppy was meant to be.

  We drove to the breeder's rural house, and as we were getting out of our car, were happily greeted by the mama dog and an older sibling of the litter.  Naturally, the older sibling dog brought us a pinecone as a friendly offering.  We went into the garage where the pen of puppies was located, and when all 9 of the litter spilled out of the little pen door at once, I squealed in excitement!

   We picked out an adorable little male puppy, who had a sweet temperament, though the entire litter was adorable, so we really couldn't have gone wrong.  He has to stay with his mama and the rest of the litter until he is at least 8 weeks old in order to be properly socialized, but we won't be ready to pick him up until even later, after we get back from our holiday trip to Connecticut.  So we made our deposit, and we even brought our own collar to mark our territory, so other interested buyers wouldn't be tempted to try and snatch him up as the rest of the litter is sold.  I absolutely can't wait till Melvin gets to come home!

Cat tower 

Little sleepy Melvie with the collar we brought for him on

Baby Melvie!

So fluffy!

Something's Gotta Give

   I've always been a stress eater.  In fact I'm the type of person who eats for comfort after a long day, even if the day was good.  It just makes me feel good.  And I can't control myself.  It's my drug, I'll admit it.  So every now and then I need to go to rehab, aka go on a diet.

   Depending on how long you've been reading my blog, you may or may not know that back in 2010, I lost 30 pounds through diet and exercise.  I was taking a class on nutrition at UCLA, and learned a lot about healthy eating, as well as the fact that I was borderline obese based on my body fat measurement.  That was a wake-up call.  Using all the tips I learned from my nutrition class (taught by the amazing Dr. Heber who wrote What Color Is Your Diet), and with some moral support from my friend J who also went on a diet with me, I was quite successful in getting down to weight which put me in a healthy BMI.

   I kept that weight off for two solid years... until boards.  Boards rolled around and I crept up 8 pounds-ish.  Normally, I fluctuate a good 5 pounds or so at any given time, but this weight was staying on.  And then my surgery rotation hit - another 8 ish pounds on top of that.  And since then, I've been about 15 pounds heavier, and holding this weight.

   I refuse to get back into an unhealthy weight.  So that's why I have to do something about it before it gets out of control.  I think the major wake-up call for me was trying to put on some jeans a few weeks ago, and none of them fit.  NOT EVEN MY FAT JEANS.  When you wear scrubs all the time, it's easy to ignore the weight gain.

   Since my jean-nightmare-wake-up-call, I've been trying to "diet" again, but I put that in quotes because I have been extremely undisciplined.  I last like one day and then eat horribly again the next.  It's very hard battling between my logical reasoning of needing to eat healthy and my emotional longing for a good box of mac n cheese, especially when my brain is fried after a long day.  It's too easy to make bad decisions.

   So today, I went jogging with my friend E, who has recently decided she would like to get down to her own healthy weight.  She was telling me about her recent discovery of keeping a food diary to keep herself accountable for what she eats.  I used one in the past when I lost all my weight, and it was extremely helpful and motivating.  I think I've been resisting it lately because I thought I could lose the weight without it, but obviously I can't control myself.  So I've decided I'm going back to food journaling.  It becomes tedious sometimes, but it's often a necessary self-check, and makes you reflect in the moment, "Do I really need to eat that entire box of mac and cheese, when that's the calories allotted for my whole day?!'  Also, it's nice to have someone else who is going through the same thing I am, so we can motivate each other.

   Hopefully this works... because I'm getting really frustrated.

Baby Z Gets Her Hair Did

   BF and I had a fantastic weekend with Cody-the-dog.  He was very well-behaved, loving and cute.  We hope to have a dog just like him some day.  By the time he left, he and Sif were practically besties, although Zoey was still hiding in the other room.

Laser eye buddies

   Today, I took Baby Z to get her lion haircut.  Since her fur is so long, it gets matted really easily, and even with brushing, the mats get so bad that they pull and irritate her skin.  So every now and then, I have to get her shaved.  Poor thing.  I took her today, and the groomer absolutely loved her, and said that she was super sweet - didn't try to scratch or bite, or anything!  I was so pleased with the results.  This groomer even put cute little bows on her, which is something they've never done!

Sif followed her around, trying to play with her tail poof

I Can't Wait To Be A Fur-Mom

   I've been wanting a dog for some time now, and now I don't want to wait anymore.  In pursuing a career in medicine, we are constantly settling for "delayed gratification" - putting in countless hours of work and sacrificing having lives for our hypothetical futures we desire.  While other people our age have jobs, houses, cars, marriages, and sometimes kids, we hold off because we don't have the time yet.  BF and I were planning on waiting until our fourth year to get a dog, because we figured we'd have more time.  But the more we think about it, the more we realize that fourth year is going to be busy too, and why wait if there is never going to be a "good" time.  And since we both have less demanding rotations after the holiday break, it will be a perfect time to introduce a new four-legged family member into our home.
   We've been hunting online for puppies, but haven't found a match yet because all the puppies are ready to go home now, and we aren't quite ready for them yet.  We are looking to get one right after we get back from our holiday trip to the east coast, and I'm sure something will work out.

   I was feeling desperate for some canine-time, and it just worked out perfectly that a family friend needed a dog-sitter this weekend!  So this weekend, I brought Cody over to my house to hang out.  He is so adorable, and we've been having a blast.  And I've been practicing my fur-parenting skills haha.

Medical Mondays - Reality Slap

   Time to link up again!  Head over to Your Doctor's Wife if you are on the hunt for more fabulous medical related blogs to read.

   I'm still partially recovering from the reality slap of a meeting I had with my advisor for OBGyn the other day.  I met with him to discuss what kind of candidate I am for applying to OBGyn residency, what I should do to make myself more competitive (especially because I'll be couples-matching), etc.  Unfortunately, I have a lot of work to do.  He said my scores and such are good, however, I am seriously lacking in the extra-curricular/research section of my application.  Compared to my classmates (who over-commit and spread themselves wayyy too thin, in my opinion), I look like a slacker.  Womp womp.  I am just the type of person who is "all or nothing".  If I commit to something, I go full-force, gung-ho.  That's why I don't commit to just anything.
   So, as much as I thought I would never do research in med school, here I am looking for a project.  I have never done research before, so I have no idea where to even start with anything!  I think I've been so hesitant to do any research because I know I'm going to need a lot of hand-holding.  I definitely need to come up with something that really interests me, though.  If I have learned anything about myself, it's that I am capable of really hard work, but only when I'm extremely motivated.

   I also think my advisor is sorta pushing me beyond where I really need to be as a candidate, because I think he wants me to just get in wherever I decide I want to go, easily.  And that's okay.  I need to be pushed sometimes.  We all saw what happened when my advisor pushed me farther than I thought I could go when studying for boards...

Okay, I'll Try To Stop Being Such a Brat Now

  So I've done a little attitude adjustment since my last post.  I realize I was kinda in a bratty mood when I posted that... Peds isn't that bad, it's just not my thing.  The way people think, the pace, the diseases and treatments, it all just doesn't really interest me.  And that's okay.  It's not for everyone!

   I have been enjoying the babies, learning about them and getting more comfortable handling them.  Afterall, this will be super useful when I'm trying to catch babies later on, and also when I decide to have children of my own.  I've enjoyed talking to the new parents.  I just love how excited they are sometimes.

  So far the highlight of my week was giving a newborn baby girl her very first bath.  She was so fat and cute, and it was just a precious experience.  And her new dads were watching excitedly, not wanting to miss a single moment.  *sigh* So cute.

I Wanna Go Back To Vagina-Land

   Last week I finished my OB/Gyn rotation, and it was f-ing awesome.  I am so sold.  I love everything about it: the patients, the issues, the treatments, the counseling, the personalities of the physicians, EVERYTHING!  I think I did okay on my exams, so I'm anxious to get my grade.  I worked really hard, and so far it has been paying off in my evaluations, but I hope it also pays off in my exam scores.  Even if I don't honor though, it's not the end of the world, and I'll still get into an OBGyn residency.  And I got a LOT out of this rotation, in terms of both learning and figuring out things for my future.  I'm really sad it's over, and now I've got to try and stay on track for the rest of the year as I make my way through things I don't really like.

   Speaking of which, I started pediatrics this week, and this is going to be a long 8 weeks ahead of me.  I mean, yeah the kids are cute, but I'm not ga-ga over them like a lot of my classmates, and their disease processes and treatments don't really interest me.  Also, I can tell I am going to have a hard time with the personalities in this field.  They are nice people (most of them, anyway), but we just don't... mesh well.  So far, there are a few passive-aggressive personalities, and working with them is going to be a test of my patience because these types of personalities are my pet peeve.  For instance, my attending (who by-the-way, I think already hates me) tried to make a passive aggressive remark on my presentation about my controversial source instead of being direct.  That pisses me off.  If you are an educator, you need to grow some balls/ovaries and tell me what you don't like about it/what I need to fix, or don't say anything at all.  So I totally called her out, and asked if there was something I said wrong - which I didn't - but she thought I did, because she wasn't even listening.  If she would have just corrected me, she would have found out that I actually DID say it right.  Whatever.

  It's already very clear to me that I am not a pediatrician.

Life Goes On

   One of the main reasons I haven't posted in a while is because I've been so busy having a blast on my OBGyn rotation, obviously.  But also, in my small amount of spare time, I've been having some fun too.  One of my favorite fall activities is to go to Apple Hill, where you can pick your own crisp apples and gorge yourself on a million apple-themed foods.  A few friends and I went last weekend, and it was as awesome as ever.  Here are some highlights from apple hill and other recent adventures:

E and I getting glitter tattoos. Yes, we're 10 years old.

   

Glitter tattoos!!! Yay! Sparkly things!

BF climbing to reach a good apple

Apple pickin'!

               

Who says you can't have a romantic date in your own backyard? 

   And just in case you wanted an update on the kitties (honestly, no one probably cares.  Except mayyyyyybe Solitary Diner lol) they are doing fabulously.  They spend their time napping, staring at each other awkwardly, chasing each other around, and every once in a while, they rub their faces together.  If you know anything about cats, you know that this is a *scandalous* gesture in feline body language.

Sif being a drama queen about getting attention

Zoey is too fat to sit in the window, so I open the door and let them look out the screen so she can participate too.  I call it "equal opportunity kitty window time"

Feeling Territorial Over OBGyn

   Wow, I haven't posted for a while!  I've been busy with the gynecology and outpatient clinic part of my OBGyn rotation, but I've been loving every minute of it.  I'm still super jazzed about pursuing OBGyn as my specialty.  I have been working my butt off, and for the first time in a very long time I actually feel like I'm doing a good job.  I've been getting good feedback from people I've been working with, and I just love what I'm doing again.

   One thing that has been irritating the hell out of me is how several people in my class all of a sudden are "interested in OBGyn".  There are a few people that, like me, have been super interested from the start - and I don't mind them at all.  In fact, we often work together and help each other out in our pursuits.  What bothers me is classmates who tell the attendings and residents they are considering OBGyn, but when talking to fellow classmates, admit they have no interest.  Come on people!  Telling people you want to go into a field that you actually don't is not going to help you at all.  And it just makes the residents and attendings not take anyone seriously.  It's extremely frustrating for people like me to witness these interactions, and I've lost respect for a few people because of it.  If people truly are all of a sudden interested in OBGyn, then that's great.  But it's really hard for me to listen to people say they are interested, when their actions and attitudes clearly indicate that they are not.  Also, I realize I am being a brat.  And I think I'm okay with that...

   Funny enough, I was describing my feelings about this matter to BF, and he goes, "Well, that's very OBGyn of you to feel territorial like that."  And then I just laughed.

   Also, here are my latest nails.  And yes, they are a tiny bit unprofessional.



 

 

All My Crafting Is Paying Off

   I've realized surgery (and medical procedures in general) are very much like arts and crafts.  You have to have a lot of concentration, and not get bored with being meticulous with your movements.  I observed a sacrocolpopexy the other day, and I was strangely reminded of some kind of basket weaving or needle work.

   I've also realized that OB/Gyn is all of the good things I liked about surgery (the OR, doing procedures, quick-to-the-point rounds, "fixing" your patient)... but without all of the things I hated about surgery (not liking or not caring about patients' well-being, competitive patriarchal culture, etc).

   This week, I was scrubbed in on a gyn surgery, and the team let me close the skin.  I am always rusty and awkward when I start suturing, but as I move along the incision and relax more, I get smoother and faster.  When I finally finished sewing up this lady's abdomen, the attending came over to check my handy work, and she goes, "Wow! What do you wanna go into? Plastic surgery or something?!"

Me: "No, I wanna go into OB/Gyn!"

Her: "Oh good! You're hired! Your C-section patients will love you!  Just skip 4th year of med school.  You don't learn anything then anyway.  Just start residency now."

   If only they could see my smile and bright red face underneath my mask...

Lost My 'Girly-girlness' For a Second - But I Found It!

   Ever since the Great Sephora Splurge of 2011*, I banned myself from stepping foot into a Sephora, because I am incapable of handling myself in that store.  I had been really good about it for about a year, and then I got a Sephora giftcard for my birthday...  So yesterday, I took BF with me to Sephora, and I immediately remembered why I placed a ban on myself in the first place.  That store is so overwhelming, in a good way.  I just walk in, and there are so many pretty things to look at! And SO SHINEY!  I just want everything there!!!  BF thought it was entertaining.  

  So, I love having my nails painted, but one of the things that drives me crazy is how fast they chip.  A solution to this problem is getting a gel manicure, where the polish lasts at least 2 weeks, however, you used to have to get these in the salon, and I refuse to pay $20-30 to get my nails done.  A while ago, I looked into the little UV lights that set the gel polish to see if I could maybe do my own gel manicures at home, but even with my aunt's beautician license, they were still $200-$300, so that was a no-go.  BUT Sephora just came out with a new line of do-it-at-home gel nail polishes with a UV light kit, all for $160!  I HAD TO HAVE IT... 

   So far, I just started out with the nude shade since I'll still be scrubbing in on gynecology surgeries in the next few weeks, but I already love it!  

   Also, I've been wanting to get my hair cut for a long time now, but I've just been dragging my feet because it takes so long to grow out.  But finally, this weekend, I just said, "Ah, WTF... I'll just go for it!"  So here it is... And I love it!  Hopefully it isn't too much work in the mornings...

* Great Sephora Splurge of 2011 - Last year in the fall, after bombing a quiz, Mama J and I went to Sephora for a little retail therapy.  $250 later (more then I'm usually comfortable spending in one sitting), and I decided to ban myself from the store until further notice and mandated myself to actually use all the products I bought on a daily basis to make it worth it.  

When You Know, You Know!

   Just finished my third night in a row of overnight call for OBgyn, and I'm somehow feeling more refreshed than ever! In the last three nights, I've delivered one baby boy, one baby girl, and a few placentas. One of the new dads had the nurse put a onesie on his newborn that said, "mommy, will you marry daddy?" Another patient came in at term and gave birth within a few hours of arriving, with absolutely no prenatal care and meth positive. I've observed several other births, held a woman's leg while she pushed, and scrubbed in on a salphingostomy for an ectopic pregnancy. I've been working with attendings, residents and nurses who may be tired, but they all love their jobs and are extremely passionate about caring for patients. The residents aren't touchy-feely-bubbly, but they actually acknowledge me, include me and let me do stuff, and teach me when they have time. I've even had two chief residents tell me I'm doing a good job, one of which told me she "has a good feeling about me going into OBgyn." I'm tired, but it's been incredible.
   I don't know how any other specialty is going to live up to this!

   Unfortunately, the one bummer is that I lent my stethoscope to one of the residents, who left it on the table in the work room to give it back to me, and someone took it :(. I mean, I didn't really have a choice - when a resident or attending asks you to borrow your stethoscope, it would be really rude to say no. But it just sucks because it was an expensive one and the resident was super nonchalant about it. I can't really do anything about it because they are evaluating me. Oh well, I have a cheaper back-up one at home. And maybe this is the price I must pay for getting so much action on my call nights.

When Wannabe-Ob/Gyn Meets Wannabe-Surgeon

   Sounds like the cheesy plot line of a romance novel, but it's my life.  I wanted to practice my surgical knot tying skills, so I bought some colored string to make it fun.  Last night, BF and I had arts-and-crafts time, where we practiced our one-handed and two-handed knot tying, but we decided to get fancy and make each other anklets.  We decided on anklets as opposed to bracelets so we don't have to take them off.  Feel free to barf now!  :P

Placentas Are Like Jellyfish

   Yesterday was my first time assisting in a delivery, but I didn't really do much, so I'm not gonna count that was my first one.  Today I got to deliver my first placenta.  IT WAS AWESOME.  Lol... I don't know who gets excited about delivering a placenta, but I do.  Anyway, I'm still loving OB/Gyn.  I'm working on learning as much as I can so I will be a rockstar intern, working on my confidence in taking H&Ps and treating patients, and trying my hardest to balance being proactive with not getting in the way too much.  All the interns and residents just seem to know what they are doing, and I can't wait until I get to that point.  I think people are beginning to warm up to me :).  It's just hard because when I get intimidated, I get very quiet and shy, so sometimes I come off stand-offish.

   Something I realized about OB/Gyns that makes me giggle is how superstitious they are.  They are always knocking on wood and saying, "Don't jinx me!!!"  I think it's funny.

Oh No He DIDN'T...

   Today I was sitting with a few of my classmates, and one classmate started to brag about his latest "heroic" act.  He said that he was walking down the street, and saw some man push an obviously pregnant lady, so he automatically assumed there was some sort of domestic dispute going on and decided to take action.  He proceeded to tackle the man and bring him to the ground, holding his hands behind his back, and shouted to the cop across the street.  While I applaud his decision to do something about what he saw, I don't necessarily agree with his approach.  Personally, I think he could have just flagged down the cop in the first place, and allowed the cop (who is trained to handle situations like this) to decide what the best course of action was.  This particular classmate of mine is one of those guys who feels the need to demonstrate masculinity and power at very opportunity possible, probably because he is insecure about himself.

   But I digress from the point of telling this story, which is that just after he finished boasting about how he "just couldn't stand to see such a thing, and just had to do something to protect that lady," immediately joked, "I mean, who knows if that lady deserved it (to be pushed), but the baby didn't deserve it.  That's for sure!"

......................................  

   Just pause for a second and take that in.  Obviously, this tool performed his "heroic" act for the completely wrong reasons.  All he cared about was exerting his power over this other man and looking super rough-and-tough after the fact.  How dare he joke around that maybe this pregnant woman somehow deserved to be pushed by her partner?!

   So, after he said that, my "oh-no-you-DIDN'T" face immediately took form, and I said, "Excuuusee me?!"

   He goes, "Ohh please.... it's a joke."

   "Well, it's not a very funny one.  I don't think that's funny."

   "Oh come on, don't make me roll my eyes at you..."

   "Go ahead... I hope they get stuck up there."

   "Geeze, can't you take a joke?!"

   "Yeah, and obviously I've got 'jokes' too..."

   Anyway, I'm normally a pretty patient person, or at least that's my perception of myself, but I cannot tolerate "jokes" degrading women.  Everyone has their trigger points, and mine is chauvinism.  Nothing else infuriates me like it.  Back in college I had a group of friends who used to make degrading jokes about women ALL THE TIME.  At first, I just ignored it, because I figured maybe I was being too sensitive.  My friends knew very well that these "jokes" upset me, yet they just kept on with them.  Every time I would bring it up, they would dismiss it by saying I was over-reacting.  It got to the point where I would go home and cry after hanging out with those friends, because I would get so upset.  Eventually, I stopped hanging out with those friends, because I realized that there are a lot of people out there who don't feel the need to belittle women with constant jokes.

   Ever since then, I've decided that it's OK to speak up when people make rude jokes that offend me.  And my hope is that by doing this, people will react by either:

A) Not making those jokes anymore (the didn't realize how offensive to women it was, and now they realize)

B) Not making those jokes anymore - around me

C) Not hanging out with me

   Obviously, option A is ideal, but I'm fine with B or C.

Medical Mondays Blog Hop

   Hi everyone!  If you're new to my blog, hello!  I am a third year medical student who love cats, mac and cheese, and women's health!  Thanks for stopping by and be sure to stop by Your Doctor's Wife for the Medical Mondays Blog Hop to find a bunch of other awesome medical-related blogs!

Is It Normal To Feel High During A NSVD?

   First week of L&D is complete, and I absolutely love it.  The team is pretty nice, but I'm still waiting for a few of them to warm up to me - all in good time.  I absolutely love the patients.  I just being the "go-to girl" for all their "intimate issues".
   Yesterday, I was observing another NSVD (normal spontaneous vaginal delivery), and AGAIN had to keep myself under control to stop myself from crying tears of joy.  I just can't help it!  Everyone in the room is just so different after a birth.  The awaiting family is standing by with their cameras at the ready and ginormous grins on their faces.  The new mom can't take her eyes off her precious new baby, whispering, "I love you so much already" into baby's ear. All the physicians and nurses (even the ones who are usually cold and intense in all other situations), are giddy with excitement and congratulating the new mom on her wonderful job well done.  And last but not least, my very favorite part of all: the new dad is wiping tears of joy from his eyes, kissing mom on the forehead, with a look on his face that screams this is the happiest moment of his life.  This might not sound normal, but I swear, the feeling I get while all of this is going on feels like I'm high on happy drugs.  How could I not love doing this every day?!
   I know, every birth is different.  Each family experiences the important event differently.  And every once in a while, the event is somber or tense.  But if I could just participate in a birth as miraculous as yesterday every once in a while, it would make it all worth it.  I think - I hope - I've found my calling.

Insert HUGE Sigh Of Relief Here

   Had my first day of L&D today.  Was a CRAAAAAAZY day.  And I loved every minute of it!  Again, teared up with joy while watching a vag delivery.  I am breathing a HUGE sigh of relief because I'm feeling those butterflies I haven't felt in so long, and I'm reminded why I went into medicine.  I LOVE OB/GYN!

    More later.  Have to sleep now.

My Surgery Rotation Was Like Menopause

   We had our orientation for OB/Gyn today, and I'm already super excited!  I just love learning about all these things, so it makes it easier to study.  A few friends and I decided that our surgery rotation was just like menopause.  It caused us to have insomnia, irritability, and the pimping gave us sweating and hotflashes.

    Last night, I had some really weird nightmares.  BF thinks it's my delayed processing of being done with my surgery rotation.  First I dreamed that I was in a car accident, and that 30% of my body got burned.  In the dream, I had circumferential burns on my left leg, so I was all scared because I knew I needed an escharotomy STAT (nerd alert!).  Then that dream ended, and my second dream was a lot more disturbing.  I dreamed that I was in high school again, and that someone was trying to push me into a big boiling vat of chemicals to burn me alive (yeah, I don't know what's up with the burn theme...) and I was freaking out because I knew how bad chemical burns were.  Somehow, I escaped, but then the villain shot up the whole school and I had to hide.  Eventually, I survived, and my dream ended with people evacuating the school, several of them in stretchers from being shot.  It was pretty freaky.

Vaginoplasty: The Difference Between Plastic Surgeons And OB/Gyns

   Just came across this article about how ACOG is concerned about the medical validity of vaginal and vulvar reconstructive procedures.  I think they are concerned for good reason!  Since when does someone's vulva have to fit a cookie cutter mold?!  One of the coolest parts of being a woman is how unique our girly parts are, or at least that's what I think.  Also, women are undergoing these procedures to "boost their self-esteem" or improve their sex life, however, one of the potential side effects of these reconstructive surgeries is loss of sensation, which seems a bit counterproductive.

   I think this issue demonstrates the difference between the way plastic surgeons and OB/Gyns think.  OB/Gyns are all about taking care of women, concerned about their well-being, and they accept the wonderful uniqueness to each and every person.  Plastic surgeons just see the potential to "fix" yet another non-existent "flaw", and make everyone look the same.  I know plastic surgeons do a lot of good work too, but there is a lot that they do that makes my nostrils flare.  If you wanna pull people's faces back so they look like snakes, and make women's breasts look like oranges sitting on their chest, that's one thing, but keep your hands off of women's va-jay jays, okay?